
photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash
Note to reader: There’s not a heck of a lot new here. Just having some fun- doing it anyway! – in spite of fear trying to tell me this is too silly. In fact, it’s a good reminder of what usually gets in your way especially when “change” is standing in the wings. It’s also a big factor in why you’re not writing that book, or moving ahead on your creative project!! Whatever’s holding you back, I can help. Contact me to see how. It’s what I love to do. Please read on…
I recently had the chance to sit down with my old nemesis, Fear. It was early morning; his guard was down. There he was, relaxing in the back of my head readying what he calls his daily alerts. I call them salvos. (Yes, itās a āheā. Not sure why but thatās how he showed up!) What follows has been edited for brevity and clarity (as well as to delete some expletives.)
KK: Good morning, Fear. Glad I caught you before you started your busy day. You know, you wreak a lot of havoc in my life.Ā I’m pretty sure Iām not alone in this. Sure, some of itās necessary but most of it isnāt. I wonder how you would you describe your role in our everyday ā and professional – lives?
Fear: Ah, I am a big deal, arenāt I? <a cocky smile on his face> My basic function is to keep you safe. Some people say itās your ego trying to do that. I say, ego ā schmego. Thatās my job. I create the tension, the drama; I keep you on high alert. Makes you feel alive, doesnāt it! I get your adrenaline pumping!
K: You certainly do. And frankly, I could do without it at this point of my life. Life’s too short for your nonsense! Any time I decide to move out of my comfort zone you kick in with your opinion. When I want to try something new you say ooh, what if someone doesnāt like this! What if you stink at this! Youāre such an imposter!Ā
You stop me in my tracks. And off I go – procrastination, second guessing, cleaning toiletsā¦
F: Youāre welcome. Thatās one sparkling toilet you have!
K: Ā ā¦feeling overwhelmed. I can try to ignore you but that doesnāt always work. Because youāre also quite crafty. Half the time I donāt even realize itās you sending me to graze in front of the refrigerator or go down an online rabbit hole.
F: Iām good, huh! By the way do you have any more of this Irish tea?
K: Letās cut to the chase here. Iāve got the street crossing and hot stove thing down. I know itās not wise to go hiking alone in the deep woods. Blah, blah, blah. But itās the other stuff. For all of us. Writing a book, career changes, growing a business, new relationships. Maybe going back to school. Any creative pursuit, really. As soon as any of us wants to try something new, there you are with your āwhat-ifsā. Safety-schmafety! I, for one, am tired of being safe! You say Ego-schmego. I say you two are in cahoots. How about you guys duke it out while I go do something new!
F: Ok, ok, take it easy. Itās not always me you know. Try looking at things from a different perspective. Just because youāre dithering over something, not getting to it, doesnāt mean itās me.
K: What do you mean? Who else could it be?
F: You!
K: What!
F: Did it ever occur to you that Iām not to blame for everything? That maybe, just maybe, whatever it is that youāre avoiding isnāt whatās best for you? It might look like Iām sticking my nose in ā you, know the avoidance, the self-sabotage, the toilet cleaning ā but it could actually be that in your heart of hearts, you know itās not for you.
K: <snort> Right. Sure. Make excuses. Youāre waking up nowā¦
F: It could be that your gut brain that knows on a deeper level that you donāt want that job ā itās not for you. You donāt want to move ā here is better than there. That you donāt want to take on that project or partnership and so on. You have so much intelligence in you that you might be missing because you canāt hear it. Okay, I know Iām loud. It could be getting drowned out. Iām just trying to get your attention.
K: So, it could still be you, right?
F: Sure. But what Iām telling you to do is to listen to your heart, first. Pause. Listen. And then do whatās best for you. Because if youāre listening to your heart, you are safe. You are being a loving steward of your dreams. Ugh! Listen to me! I canāt believe Iām saying these things. If you tell anyoneā¦
K: But what if my heartās telling me to connect with that person, to write that book, to go back to school. And, in spite of this Iām still cleaning my toilet?
F: Well, yeah, thatās on me. Hereās what you do. Um⦠Wellā¦
K: What are you looking around for?
F: Itās only us, right? I wouldnāt want any of my fellow fear masters to hear me. Weāre unionized, you know. Iāve got a lot to lose if Iām seen as a calming influence. Pension, benefits, the whole megillah. But listen. If your heart is telling you to do this thing then you must do it. You must or all this wonder and possibility will die with you. That is the greatest tragedy. And you know how to do it. You know how to sneak past me and my pal, amygdala. Small steps, small questions. Listen first and then take a step. You donāt need to know the whole way when you start. Just start!
K: I know. I know.
F: Iāll still be around you know. But at this point it feels like weāre buddies, doesnāt it? So go do your thing. Claim that dream. Just say hi once in a while. Iāll do the same. Iām just telling you to pay attention. Iām telling you to ignore the shoulds, stop trying to please everyone. Remember Iām only here as an alert.
K: Ha-ha! Like those stupid weather alerts that tell me itās raining. Like I canāt look out the window!
F: Yeah, like that. Remember, I never said donāt do it. I only said what ifā¦
K: And thatās where the trouble startsā¦
F: Hey, Iām not the boss of you. That beautiful heart is the boss. I wouldnāt mess with it. Itās got a lot of power. I clear out when she gets going. Whoa! Thereās no stopping her. But you and me? Weāre here for the long run. So, buckle up!
Oh yes, that 4 letter F word!! This is so timely. He has been rearing his ugly head waaaayyyy too much lately! I think he and I need to have a one on one!
LOL Definitely a 4 letter word! Time for a little sit down!
Kathy, I really enjoyed the prospective you created in this blog post. It really resonated with me and I laughed at the back and forth dialogue all the way through it. I know that I have to remember to trust my heart to overcome the fear that creeps up.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Lois! Thanks for commenting.
I’m glad you sidestepped the silliness fear and went for it – you did a great job! Thank you.
You’re welcome! Thanks for taking the time to comment.
š