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It’s me, your inner voice.

Microphone
Image by Israel Palacio on Unsplash

Hi, there, Friend. It’s me, your inner voice. Call me Ivee if you like.

[Tap…Tap…Tap…] Is this thing on?

I’ve been trying to get your attention but it’s so darn noisy out there. Bright lights, people vying for your attention. All the siren songs luring you to a rocky shore, their beautiful voices drawing you in.

And here’s the thing. When you’re listening to them, you’re not listening to me. After all, their song isn’t your song. And, furthermore, when you try to match their voice it’s not sustainable. Your voice begins to wobble, your throat gets dry. You can’t hit that high note anymore. Trying to sing someone else’s song, competing with the singer who seems to have it all, doesn’t work well. Oh, it might for a while. Until it doesn’t. Oh, and, by the way, that other singer? She really doesn’t have it all. And yet you continue to try.

I’ve heard that this happens a lot. I talk to other inner voices, you know. We have our own version of Zoom: virtual, virtual Zoom or Vavavoom.

Here are some things I’ve learned.

Can you still hear me? [tap tap]

Okay, good. Let’s talk about you and where you might have some challenges. Because this is really important. On every level of your life.

One area you might be struggling with is your career. You’ve probably been quite successful. But it may have come at a cost. Or maybe it’s run its course, outlived its joy. Work became a “job” for the income instead of a passion. Or, as so many of you, you work for the benefits. I’ve heard this is a big one for women in midlife.

Second, you are probably operating on autopilot. It happens. I mean, reflect on what you do every day. Sometimes it’s out of habit; sometimes out of need. However, what I’ve learned is that autopilot drives you into a deep rut.

I get it. You do what you need to do. One foot in front of the other.

But it can be different.

What happens when you don’t listen.

When you go for long periods of time tuning me out, you know, that route you’re traveling on autopilot? It gets old. It feels uncomfortable. You become filled with unease. Maybe dis-ease.

It. Just. Doesn’t. Fit. Anymore.

Ultimately, you end up sacrificing the very things that I’ve been trying to talk to you about. Those important things that energize you rather than the daily fire drills, the hamster wheel, the blur of life passing by. The things that make life juicier and more meaningful.

And when you go on like this for too long, you experience varying degrees of burnout. Stress and all its attendant ills can be very subtle or it can hit you over the head. A few examples: lowered immunity, poor sleep, lack of focus, overeating/undereating. These lead to other things. It’s a slippery slope, not a pretty sight. And then there’s that huge hole right next to me where your heart is.

I can help you fill the hole but we need to be in touch more.

What happens when you begin to listen.

When you start listening you might notice me telling you that you don’t have to settle for the status quo. You begin to hear my sweet voice inviting you to imagine how you can begin planning for something new at this stage of life. Not a radical, ditch everything and start from scratch new. But a start. In fact, take a moment and try to imagine that right now. What would it feel like to believe in possibilities? Is it hard? Try to let it in just 10% of the way.

When you tune me in you begin to realize that you’re not too old to make meaningful changes. That you can make different choices in how you spend your time each day. That it’s okay to make yourself a priority, rather than putting yourself last in service to everyone around you. Yes, I know that last one’s a toughie.

And you can also begin to express your creativity – whatever way that wants to show up – in ways that will make you come alive.

What has to take place in order to be able to hear.

Two things have to happen, however, before you can begin to hear me.

First, you need to get comfortable with the unknown and with your own vulnerability.

Part of the reason you’ve had a hard time hearing me and thus getting started, is that you’ve built a silencing wall around me. I know you didn’t mean to. You probably don’t even realize it’s there. But, listening to me is risky. What I have to say might fly in the face of everyone around you. And then what?

Well, okay, then what?

You begin to experience discomfort. Call it fear if you like. You begin to feel vulnerable.

Much of what I have to say comes from that place of vulnerability, that very tender part of you. And that is why you often check out.

But questioning your particular status quo, allowing the yearning for something different to become visible, finding the spiritual courage to fill that emptiness that resides beside me? That’s a scary vulnerable.

Beginning

Once you decide to let yourself be vulnerable, a second obstacle may appear. You realize you want to begin this process of change but you don’t know where to start. That can be overwhelming and cause you to hit the brakes. That’s okay. I’m here for you. Starting can be as simple as being quiet, (that in itself can be a challenge!) and asking the right questions. And, of course, trusting me, your very wisest self.

This is also where a good coach can help. A good coach (contact Kathy here)  is one that will make you feel comfortable with not knowing where you’re going at first. She will make you feel less vulnerable and eminently normal. She will help you tune in to me and discover what makes you come alive.

Between the two of us? Oh, the places you’ll go!

Falling in love with good enough

Close Enough
Original art by Jill Badonsky ***

I have fallen in love with “good enough”. Think about it. Good enough gets it done. And getting it done feels good. Feeling good encourages me to do it again. What a lovely loop!

The idea of good enough was introduced to me by Jill Badonsky when I trained with her as a Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coach™ in 2009. All these years later, when I hear “good enough” in my head, it’s usually her voice. (Highly recommend. Check her out here.)

Lowering my standards and letting something be good enough was not in my tool kit at that point. That kit had more procrastination and avoidance and angst. Better to not do than to be seen as less than perfect, right?

Wrong.

The Ouch of Perfection

What I know is that perfection can be painful. When I operated from that mindset, I might get something done… maybe…eventually. But it would often come at a price I wasn’t willing to pay. In that case it might stay undone. That did not make me happy!

But “good enough” is just what it needs to be. It’s close enough.

For instance, if I strove only for perfection, I never would have posted my first blog or hit publish on my first website. I would have hesitated before taking on my first coaching client or joining a writing group. When I began with “good enough” things got done. I was unstuck and could move forward.

If perfection was the only yardstick, I could never have found my way into my Multidimensional Life powered by trial and error, curiosity and listening to my inner voice saying: “Good enough. Now, what else do you love? What else are you here for?”

Good enough gets you unstuck

So, Jill’s advice on how to help clients move through or around perfectionism into momentum had a big impact on me. In my ability to help you with this, I also help myself. We seem to teach what we need to learn. And the lesson continues to deepen as time goes on.

Consider this: If perfection is the only standard you use and you’re an ordinary mortal, you’ll get stuck. Stuck places hurt. They chafe and leave scars. Hey, life leaves enough scars. You don’t need to add to them.

And, by the way, ordinary is quite good enough, too. In fact, the poet William Martin, in his poem “Make the Ordinary Come Alive”, suggests that when we embrace the ordinary “The extraordinary will take care of itself.” There’s something of “good enough” in his advice along with the understanding that we don’t stay there.

You are so good enough

So, what if you are good enough as is? What if your first steps into your next stage of life were “good enough”? What if your version of a Multidimensional Life could begin with curiosity and a vision that’s not crystal clear? How about some trial and error? A foray into a perfectly imperfect adventure?

How about if we do it together? It’s always easier with a partner. Especially one who understands good enough and knows that your good enough is much more amazing than you think. Contact me here to see how to get started.

Come fall in love with “good enough”.

 

***Experience Jill Badonsky and her Blanche Baldwin persona in her podcast A Muse’s Daydream. And I just gotta say as a New Jersey girl, born and bred, “Oh, Gawd, I hope I don’t sound like her!” 😂 Enjoy!

A Messy, Complicated, Sweet Life

Tapestry With Messy Edges
Section of tapestry by June Shatken

Life is messy and complicated. This year, last year, next year. Whether we’re young or old. It can be quite messy. Period. And it seems especially so as we travel through the second half. When I speak and write about creating a Multidimensional Life, I am not ignoring this fact.

Rather, what I am striving to convey is that you can live a sweet Multidimensional Life in spite of all this. You can take a minute to remember what is most important to you – important at your very core – and include it in your life. You can weave it in even if only in small moments in the face of the world around you. When you do you create a rich, meaningful and creative life while operating from a grounded place that encompasses the good with the bad, the sweet with the hard, the beautiful and the not so beautiful. Because, again, life can be messy and complicated.

Remembering and Recommitting

So, this is not about trying to create and maintain an Instagram life; it’s about being yourself. It’s about living in the contrast of the sweet and the hard and finding balance. When you embrace this, you let go of perfection and fall in love with “good enough”. You’re able to appreciate those incremental moments and build on them.  Because you are on a foundation of “real”, you avoid collapsing into a rut or a crisis.

Probably one of my biggest and most important life lessons was learning how easy it is to get lost in a busy, crazy, messy and noisy world. For a long time, I didn’t realize I was lost. Being whip-sawed just felt normal. Once I became aware, however, the next question was what to do about it.

What I learned was to Pause, to take a breath (literally), center myself and remember what is most important. To take a step back and remember what I’m here for. While there’s certainly an element of mindfulness in this, I believe it more about remembering and recommitting to who I am at my essence. (Here’s an interesting article that expands the idea of pausing into the current world environment and reaffirms the value of the Pause.)

Waking up and pausing creates the loom of life

You become the shuttle weaving the threads of meaning, attention, action, joy, value, delight, honesty, authenticity. The warp and the weft.  All those things that go into creating the fabric of your Multidimensional Life.

This day, week, year will have its challenges. So, how do you keep yourself intact while maintaining your Multidimensional Life, even if just for a moment?

First, what is it you yearn for? What are you here for in this beautiful messy life? Once you know, look at what gets in the way. Determine just one small action or thought to take you in the direction of that yearning. That small thought or action creates a ripple effect. It initiates change that, in turn, will beget more change and, in the process, illuminate parts of the dream that weren’t clear before.

If life is too busy, think short bursts. Take a 10-minute walk. Make a call – personal or business. Just one. Check just one item off the list. Meditate or sit and look out the window for 5 minutes. Small success moments mean a lot.

Where we start when we work together

  1. Imagine you have a magic wand. Wave it over your life and recognize your dream. What do you see?
  2. Choose just one element.
  3. Ask yourself what is one small action you can take toward that goal.
  4. Celebrate every small success

Don’t be fooled by its simplicity. These steps build momentum over time. They also allow for course corrections where needed. They will be needed and that’s actually the fun part.

What changes

Instead of being in a rut, you will have fluidity in your life and be able to navigate the messiness.

Instead of being drowned out by the noise, you’ll be able to hear your thoughts telling you what is most important to you, what has meaning, value, purpose, joy.

You will be liberated to make more daring choices; possibilities will show up. You won’t get mired in woeful wishing.

The real you will emerge from your heart center and surprise and delight you with her wit and wisdom. (She’s an old soul traveling with you from long before you were here.)

She will guide you through the mess and the complications with grace and humor.

She’ll turn down the noise, calm the craziness and show you the way to cultivate your best Multidimensional life.

Contact me to set up a discovery call and talk about how this process would look for you.

It’s time. Let’s get started.

A letter to Thomas Jefferson and The Case for White Space

A White Space
Image by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash (altered)

Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing – advising his daughter Martha, 1787. – Thomas Jefferson

Dear Mr. Jefferson,

It saddens me that you instilled into your daughter the belief that “always doing” is beneficial. I wonder how that worked for her. Perhaps it was the way of the 18th century, but with all due respect, I say poppycock!

This is a myth that needs to be dismantled. It’s time to redefine idleness and challenge the need to be “always doing”.

This notion that we get more done when we are constantly doing is a great example of the law of diminishing returns. It ignores the need for rest, recharge, re-creation. Where and when do we get to think and dream? To just noodle?

Sloth or idleness?

How do you define idleness, TJ? Did you never walk around the grounds of Monticello while dreaming up the Declaration of Independence or working through a gnarly design problem? I find a walk to be an amazing stimulus for my creativity. I’m re-creating and enjoying the fresh air while I write in my head or marvel at the ideas that pop up. I often use the voice-recorder on my iPhone. You would have loved that.

What about sitting down with a beloved book?

Perhaps you consider staring out the window to be idleness? Again, I disagree. Sometimes it can be hard to do sit and woolgather. However, when I do I find that the quality of the ideas and creativity that come up is better than anything that emerges when I have my nose to the grindstone that is my desk!

For me, the concept of idleness or what could be considered non-productivity is a struggle and something I work on and toward. Yes, I hear the irony in that. But I have come to understand its intrinsic value. Now, understand, I not talking about sitting around the house in curlers and a housecoat, a cigarette dangling from my mouth, watching Jerry Springer. That is sloth, not idleness. There’s a vast difference.

Idling or recharging

But I get it, this tug of constant productivity. The way that even downtime has to be structured and busy. It’s an attitude that has carried over from my years of working in corporate where busy-ness was a measure of my value. When I slip back into that mindset, no matter what I do it’s never enough. I go down a rabbit hole and fizzle out. Then I need to recharge. And in that situation my recharging choices are not always the best. Surfing the internet, computer games… You have no idea, TJ, of the ways we can be “idle” here in the 21st century.

Therefore, I’d rather weave “idle” recharging into my day. Even as I write this I will occasionally turn around and gaze out the window. The sky is autumn blue and the leaves are getting sparse. The sun slants in at a lower angle and casts long shadows. My mind relaxes and thoughts untangle. Sitting and looking out the window is just what I need at times. And then I turn back to the page.

White space

So, did you ever consider the beauty of white space on your calendar, TJ? A block of time that has no commitment. Expansive and luxurious. Where all things are possible. Yes, it may also produce anxiety, bring up the habitual need to fill it with something productive, something meaningful and purposeful. However, what I’m finding is that meaningful and purposeful don’t live on the hamster wheel. They live in our heart centers and if we are constantly “doing” as you are advising your daughter, we will never learn what they have to teach us. We will never hear their song that carries us into our Multidimensional Lives.  Here’s a beautiful article by Leo Babauta titled “Life’s Missing White Space.” He discusses how white space in design provides greater legibility, luxury, breathing room and balance. And then he applies these concepts to life.

What would white space look like for you?

The reality is that staying in that high activity mode, 24/7 is not healthy. It keeps the adrenaline pumping, causing stress and all those things that cascade down from that state. That state begets more need for productivity and the feeling that whatever we do is not quite enough. Certainly, I could do more. It keeps us on the hamster wheel.

Am I alone in this?

I’m curious, reader. What does idleness bring up for you? Do you need to be always “doing” or knowing what’s next? Could you use help in slowing the hamster wheel of endless productivity and defining what your white space might look like? Contact me and learn how working together can bring ease, possibilities and, yes, some of that well-deserved white space into a busy life.

Leaves in the stream of life

Leaves In A Stream
photo by Jeffrey Eisen on Unsplash

Life is often compared to a river, a current that carries us along. We become leaves in a stream.

There’s no stopping time, no stopping the current. Just like water life will always find ways to move forward.

And as time marches on we begin to feel that we can’t do anything about it its passage. And that’s true. We can do nothing about its passing. But it’s not the forward movement that’s the problem. It’s the direction. Your direction.

It’s not the fact that it flows. It’s the direction of that flow.

I have a water run-off problem in my yard. It’s eroded the soil, left bare patches in the lawn and debris from the road, the driveway and the eroded ground is scattered all over.

I live on the downside of the mountain. The water will come. My focus is now on directing it where I want it. Rain garden, anyone? (And, as the garden is an essential part of my Multidimensional Life, I am being true to myself when I give it my attention.)

So, as in the metaphor above, life is just like that water. It happens. It flows. It carries life’s debris and if left to its own devices can erode our very beings. But consider this: you get to decide where it takes you even if it’s merely the way you choose to frame it. You get to take a pause, maybe grab onto an overhanging branch, take a breath and consider where you go from there.

The flow of your life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Life will happen. We can’t control everything. But take a moment now and think about what you can control. Make a decision on what direction the flow of your life will take you. Whether the current of time will carry you along like a leaf in a stream

Will you be swept away? Or at the helm and navigating?

Will you succumb to a torrent of emotion or step back and, once again, pause?

But go beyond just “managing”.  In addition to navigating are you also setting the course direction? In your pause are you giving yourself choice? Are you directing some of your time and energy to what actually lights you up and gives your life deeper meaning? Or are you stuck in a holding pattern where you never make time for yourself, where time becomes a vacuum that is filled by others?

It’s not always easy but remember that you do get to decide.

And when it’s challenging you can consider getting a co-pilot.

A case study

One of my clients, with whom I’ve worked for several years, has had lots of life wash over her. Health, career, family “stuff” that could have easily knocked her off her path permanently. Remember how that water carves its own way?

But in spite of all that was going on, with my help, she was able to maintain perspective, take what were sometimes miniscule steps forward, and sometimes take a break from the journey and take care of what needed care. It was a pause; not the end. It was conscious and deliberate.

A serious injury laid her low for a while. She experienced a lot of pain. However, as her coaching journey was leading her toward healing modalities, she was able to consider how her particular situation could benefit her work with others. Her intuition had been honed in our work together and she knew that this was grist for her particular mill. It didn’t take the pain away, but it gave it some purpose.

I was able to help her with that. I was able to help her with the decision to step back, even to stop coaching for a while, to regroup, be sad where she needed to be sad, hurt where she needed to hurt and to provide a safe container for her to come back to and resume her journey. And what a journey it has been!

Your own experience

But you don’t need to just take my word for it. Or rely completely on someone else’s experience either. Experience it yourself. Explore how it feels to begin to take a new approach to the stream of life.

Contact me for a discovery call. What’s calling to you from deep within? What have you left behind in a busy life? What’s getting in the way? Discover how our work together will make a difference.

(Here’s a little short read on growing old that calls up this age old metaphor of life as a river.)

Tracking Time

Clock

Recently, I started tracking my time. I was inspired by a comment on a recent call with my coach, Isabel Parlett. It got me curious. Where does my day go? Am I living the Multidimensional Life I want to be living where those things that are important get the same attention as the urgent? Where there is some space in my day to breathe or think, or do both at the same time.

Whoa! This little experiment immediately snapped my head back into a mindset that had whips cracking and deadlines breathing down my neck. That is a familiar and, unfortunately, comfortable mindset. It’s a perfect illustration of a hamster wheel that resides in a very deep groove in my head and into which I can easily fall. It was constrictive. I’d rather my time be expansive.

I’ve done this type of exercise before: while I was still working in corporate, when I first left and started my business.

It never felt good. I don’t respond well to whips and things breathing down my neck.

But…

This time was different.

I woke up from the wheel induced coma much quicker.

I paused to evaluate the results of this tracking.

I observed what got done and what didn’t.

I wasn’t thrilled with what I found.

Granted, I got a lot of tasks done. Work tasks, household tasks, personal tasks.

But do you see what was happening? Everything became a task. Just the word task has a certain crackling quality to it. It’s not onomatopoetic (you have to love that word!) but it may as well have been, because it sounded just like a bullwhip snapping close to my ear.

Important vs. Urgent

There was no space woven into my day. It was a race to the finish so that tangible results could be documented. List items could be checked off. I could hear the “good girl, Kathy” in the back of my head.

No! No! No! Get off the hamster wheel!!

Here’s what I know about life off the hamster wheel:

  • We can still be productive.
  • Thinking and dreaming are essential to a full and fulfilling life.
  • Hard, tangible lists can be replaced with curiosity and creativity.
  • The cracking whip can be replaced with an inner GPS check.
  • We can get the urgent done while leaving space for the important.

The important is what is woven into a Multidimensional Life, what gives it its dimension and sparkle. It should be given the same priority as the urgent.

Actually, it should be given a higher priority so we’re sure to get to it.

The intangibles

Because often the urgent is easier than the important. That’s an interesting phenomenon, isn’t it? The edges of urgent are easily defined.

Set up a landing page for an offering? Easy. Yes, there are some tech challenges but there will be steps to follow. We figure it out.

Other things are not quite as simple. Get to the next chapter of my book. Ooh, now we’re in the amorphous world of “I don’t know what happens next.”  Adding more movement/exercise to my day – also important.  Not always simple steps to follow if I want to keep and loose and intuitive.

What’s important to you? What might your day feel like?  Is there a creative project or a refresh of your day-to-day rhythms called for? What about noodling about a new business or retirement? There’s no real template so it’s hit or miss. It’s curiosity and practice. It’s not knowing and trusting.

It’s never an end result like an urgent task that has a starting and ending point and can be given a neat little check box that you tick off.

But it’s so very important.

The thrill of the process

It’s a process, a journey and guess what? That is where the good stuff is. That’s the juice, the thrill, the joy.

It’s messy and complicated and simple and fun all at the same time.

I know. This is what I am reminded of when I come out of my hamster wheel induced coma and remember what’s important.

That next chapter of the book. The garden dreams. My business. My clients. What I’m doing at this very moment.

Does this whet your appetite for your own Multidimensional Life? I hope so. I hope it gives you a yearning for what could be. That sensation of “I can taste it but I can’t put my finger on it…yet”. This is where I shine in helping you shine. Are you being called to do the work you’re called to do?

The other stuff will get done. This is the Multidimensional Life we all crave. And deserve.

I’d love to talk to you about getting you off your hamster wheel and into your Multidimensional Life. Click here to book a consult with me.

Help with the Midlife Journey

You Can Lighten Up Your Journey

Do you find it hard to ask for help? Do you feel that you need to do things on your own? After all, why would you work with a coach for help in the passage into midlife and beyond? To lighten up the journey? That beautiful unfurling of a Multidimensional Life? After all you can read a book or talk to your friends. And hiring a coach feels frivolous. I used to think that way.

Lots more road ahead

At a certain point in life we start to sense feelings of disappointment. It can become a close companion. Regrets, ruing, what if’s, the road not taken. I know I’ve been there. We aren’t that 21-year-old anymore with starry dreams and no road dust. We have been through the thick of it. We have worked and nurtured, we’ve laughed and shed a lot of tears. Tears of sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, laughter. We’ve been knocked for loops, left adrift, fallen down, gotten up, been pulled up, been knocked down. So, how do we put it behind us and move on? Because there’s still more road ahead.

And, here’s the thing: You’re still here!  All the stuff I just listed? This is the stuff that will be used for the next leg of your journey. This is the stuff that you can sort through, dialogue with, toss out. You can thank it for its lessons and let it go. You can use the Marie Kondo method – does this bring me joy?  No? Toss it. This is grist for your personal mill, lead to be transmuted into gold.

You are an alchemist.

Moving forward

Now, you can certainly go it alone. You’re smart. This isn’t your “first rodeo”. However, my personal experience is that without support dreams just float by. It’s hard to get momentum and easy to slip back into the rut of the status quo. The pages of the calendar fly away at an ever-quickening rate. Oh, well, you sigh. Maybe I’m too old for change. Maybe it’s too late. Life isn’t so bad.

You’re not too old.

It’s not too late.

Life can be richer, deeper and more meaningful.

I’m not talking huge epiphanies or complete 180’s. I’m talking about beginning an exploration of possibilities with small questions, small steps, curiosity and joy.

Why go it alone?

Getting support, hiring a coach, taking courses…this was hard for me in the beginning. I always thought that I should be able to fix whatever wasn’t working. I thought asking for help was a weakness. It didn’t fit in with the image I had of myself as a strong, self-sufficient woman. Yes, my ego was quite fierce!

But, the reality? Staying in my own head, having no objective person to bounce things off didn’t work. Yes, I have a great husband and friends and siblings but their views and feedback will usually be biased. They know me as they think they know me.

Fresh ideas, fresh tools, fresh mindsets? That has made all the difference. Finding new people who resonate with the person I was becoming and who weren’t stuck on the old me (like I also was!) was life changing.

That is what I do for my clients.

What else I do

I also:

  • Remind them of their dreams
  • Help them create small questions and determine next small steps. (There’s an art to this!)
  • Provide accountability, celebration, deep listening and someone to reflect back their words.
  • Have an array of creative tools to make this process more intriguing and fun.

By midlife we carry so much. We are containers that life has filled to the brim with all our experiences – both good and bad. Up bubbles the regrets, the disappointments.

It’s time to tip that container over and sort through things. It’s time to stop being weighed down by this slag.

What worked, what do you love, what is important to you, what are your values – have they shifted, what brings meaning into your day, your life? What about joy, delight, a giggle?

Work with what is working

Let’s shine the light on that, expand it, thank the other stuff for their contribution, for their strengthening power, for making you who you are. Know that there will be more challenges and tears but the depth and richness of your MD Life will be able to contain them, hold them and let them move through and out of you.

Now is the time to begin living as if you believed you have a lot of life left and that the quality of that life matters. Because when you do, it begins to come true. It’s magic. It’s alchemy. You are golden.

You are so much more. Contact me and we’ll uncover the you that is in waiting. Let’s show the world all your beautiful layers. Your Multidimensional Life.

The Art of Listening

Listening
Photo by JR Korpa on Unsplash

Let me listen to me and not to them. – Gertrude Stein

Listening is an art. It’s a vital part of communication. We listen to learn, to understand, to make the other feel witnessed.

But how well do we listen to ourselves?

Our minds are full of chatter. They’re also full of different voices. The voices of our parents, teachers and peers. The voice of perfectionism, fear and deprecation.

The other voices continue in an endless loop and do quite a job in the background. They become part of the noise that turns white that we barely notice. Make no mistake, though, those voices are orchestrating a good part of our lives.

At the same time our wise, true voice speaks. However, too often we minimize that voice and magnify the others.

Until we listen, nothing changes.

I recently noticed my inner commentary on my lack of ability to play. It made me sad. I thought I had lost the knack. That I had forgotten how to have fun. That I was a dull girl, all work, no play.

I noticed because I had stopped and listened. I hit pause. I didn’t dismiss it or brush it away. I really listened.

Here’s what I heard:

Play is frivolous. It’s what you do when your work is done. Furthermore, adult fun involves high energy, adrenaline-soaked activities that have to be done somewhere “away” and costs money. Just like those TV commercials and ads for “active seniors”. Therefore, my play/fun is too small and insignificant and, consequently, not worthy of my time. Hey, go big or go home, right?

Wrong!

That was the loop that was running in the background. That was the driver. Therefore, if I was going to hear my wise, true voice I needed to move the conversation down to my heart.

Here’s how I reframed the conversation:

Play can be that thing I’m already doing after I’ve put it into a different light. It can be, lighter, less linear, more whimsical, pleasurable, silly, intuitive. My play is specific to me and anyone else I choose to have as part of the activity. It is not what I see on those pharma ads for seniors or what I see on Facebook or Instagram. Those feel shaming. Play can be fun; fun doesn’t need to be play. Play for me could be coffee and good conversation with a sister that includes laughter and silliness; a walk at the lake with a friend as we compete with our last best pace. It could be a satisfying yoga class. Play is a state of mind.

Here’s how Diane Ackerman defines play in her book, Deep Play.

“The spirit of play is spontaneity, discovery and being open to new challenges. As a result, it allows one to happily develop new skills, test one’s limits, stretch them and then maybe refine the skills and redefine the limits.”

That feels so much better. Play is not always idle; it reaches deep inside and moves us.

Getting back to listening.

If you paused and really listened to your wise and true voice, what would you learn? Would you discover that there is a tape running that is sooo out of date? Would you gently let that old chatter go (or maybe dropkick it to the curb? I don’t know how tenacious it is!)

I know you will learn something vital. For instance, you may learn that you, too, are looking at an idea through someone else’s lens and that the view doesn’t work for you anymore.

Pause and listen more often. Just be aware and noticing. You might be surprised at what you hear and how much lighter you feel when you change the tape.

As always, if you need some support as you hone your listening skills, please contact me to see how we can work together to assemble the small steps that will move you back to your own wise and true voice.

Creative Expression and What We Ache For

Creative Expression Brings Us To What We Ache For

Over the years, I have personally experienced how creative expression opens us up to the liberation found in discovering and following our truest yearnings. A recent article led me down a train of thought that brought this home to me again.

It was an article by Jaleh Bisharat, Co-founder/CEO at Naked Poppy, called “10 Books That Changed the Way I Think About Business”.

First, I chuckled as I am reminded of the magic in numbering. This many life hacks… days to…, habits… and yes, so many books.

But then I gave thought to the books that have had a meaningful impact on my life. There’ve been many. But one stood out. It was one that opened me up to the creative being that I am and became part of my own journey to finding what was truly meaningful for me.

The one that floated to the top

Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s What We Ache For fills the bill on so many levels. (Hey, why knock myself out to come up with a compelling “number”, I thought.  One is good.)

Dreamer’s book is chock-full of beautiful prose. It offers reflections and exercises that deepen the reading experience. And it goes to the heart of what I believe to be the most important mission in the second half of life. That is, liberating ourselves to tend to those things that are truly important and using our innate creativity, our own creative expression, to weave them into a Multidimensional life.

While I won’t say that reading this book was a triggering event in my life, it was definitely a spurring one.

A well worn and loved book

I read it approximately 10 years ago and I’ve picked it up many times since then. For coaching programs or writing workshop ideas. For my own writing inspiration. It is a book that I need to have in hard cover, that I can rub my finger along the rough paper as I read. I highlight and underline and put notes and exclamation marks in the margins. I engage with it as I read it or skim through it or open it up at random to see what wants to be seen. It has post-its and random pieces of paper to hold a place and the end flaps tuck in between pages to remind me where I want to go next. It’s the whole enchilada!

Doing creative work allows us to follow the thread of what we ache for into a deeper life, offering us a way to cultivate a life of making love to the world.

– Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Yes! Following that thread is my mission in my second half of life. Cultivating a deeper, more meaningful (to me) life and honoring the tug in my gut, the quiet voice in my heart. Having the spiritual courage to do all this while living in my world and doing my own work.

This is what I want for myself and, if this resonates with you, it’s what I want for you.

What do you ache for?

Have you also felt that ache, that tugging? This is what my 6-week program, You Are The Artist of Your Life is about. It will ease that ache, gentle that tug and begin your journey into a more integrated, Multidimensional life that is unique to you alone.

Want to learn more? Join me Thursday, August 29th at 6:30 pm ET on Zoom for my free monthly call. This month a I’ll be talking about my upcoming workshop You Are the Artist of Your Life. We’ll get to meet; you’ll get a taste of what the longer program will be like. One person will have a chance for a mini coaching session.

Begin your own journey to a deeper life!

An Invitation to Pause

Chaos
All great changes are preceded by chaos.
~ Deepak Chopra

I was always a leaper. Challenges? Problems? I was compelled to do something. Anything! I often thought in terms of “close my eyes, hold my nose and jump”! Must be that trial and error life I’m destined to live.

However, what I learned was that in doing that I was surrendering my freedom of choice. I learned that the better course of action was non-action. A stop, look, listen. A Pause. A bit counter-intuitive, I know.

I’m not talking about passivity, but rather a purposeful decision of which way to go. Not always the most popular, but the best for me. Not always a well-lit, well-traveled path, but one on which I would find the most joy.

When we are in the midst of change – which is really so much of life – it can feel chaotic. No, forget the “can”. It’s damn chaotic. It feels unsettling and uncomfortable. We feel rattled, uneasy, cranky. Something’s up. We soldier through. Because that’s what we’re taught to do.

In the moment, we may not realize what’s happening but when we pay close attention, we can recognize the symptoms of change and transition. Dang! Didn’t I go through this a few months ago??

Yeah, life is about change.

That is your invitation to pause.

Not only an invitation but an opportunity.

Consider this: If you had paused the last time you felt this way, would you be thrust into another round so quickly? Oh, there’d still be change and transition in your future, but it might play out a little differently.

Why Pause?

  • Pausing gives you the freedom to choose, to actively decide on a course of action rather than be swept away by outside currents. You may choose the same plan that life’s currents suggest, but it will be your decision.
  • It’s an opportunity to tap into the essential wise self that’s in all of us. It is asking questions and listening to your body’s response. It is heeding your gut.
  • When you pause you remember that your choices are not always set in stone. They can be evaluated and changed at a later time.
  • Pausing slows you down and lets you consider that deferring a choice could be a temporary solution.
  • Pausing jogs your memory so you can remember what you want and what is most important to you, not always most expedient and urgent.
  • The duration of a Pause can be done in a moment or days or months. Is this doctor best for me? I know what others have said, but… (a quick gut check) Is this the right time for me to retire? (longer process)

What helped me.

Looking back, I see that once I began to pause, I made much better decisions. I didn’t just react. I would write it through. I spoke with the right people. (Fortunately, I have lots of coaching friends!)

Were there times in your life where you would have benefited from a pause? Are you in the midst of that chaotic feeling of change now? How would it feel to pause? To step back and look at what is happening from a different viewpoint?

Here’s what will turn your chaos into great change.

Sometimes it helps to have someone to accompany you during a Pause. Someone on your side holding the light so you can see things clearer. A safe place to think out loud. To sort through the noise and, yes, the chaos. The tools to listen to yourself better and discern what is best for you. Because you are the one that knows best.

This is what I do in my coaching practice. Want to learn more? Contact me for a 30-minute discovery call.

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