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Falling in love with good enough

Close Enough
Original art by Jill Badonsky ***

I have fallen in love with “good enough”. Think about it. Good enough gets it done. And getting it done feels good. Feeling good encourages me to do it again. What a lovely loop!

The idea of good enough was introduced to me by Jill Badonsky when I trained with her as a Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coach™ in 2009. All these years later, when I hear “good enough” in my head, it’s usually her voice. (Highly recommend. Check her out here.)

Lowering my standards and letting something be good enough was not in my tool kit at that point. That kit had more procrastination and avoidance and angst. Better to not do than to be seen as less than perfect, right?

Wrong.

The Ouch of Perfection

What I know is that perfection can be painful. When I operated from that mindset, I might get something done… maybe…eventually. But it would often come at a price I wasn’t willing to pay. In that case it might stay undone. That did not make me happy!

But “good enough” is just what it needs to be. It’s close enough.

For instance, if I strove only for perfection, I never would have posted my first blog or hit publish on my first website. I would have hesitated before taking on my first coaching client or joining a writing group. When I began with “good enough” things got done. I was unstuck and could move forward.

If perfection was the only yardstick, I could never have found my way into my Multidimensional Life powered by trial and error, curiosity and listening to my inner voice saying: “Good enough. Now, what else do you love? What else are you here for?”

Good enough gets you unstuck

So, Jill’s advice on how to help clients move through or around perfectionism into momentum had a big impact on me. In my ability to help you with this, I also help myself. We seem to teach what we need to learn. And the lesson continues to deepen as time goes on.

Consider this: If perfection is the only standard you use and you’re an ordinary mortal, you’ll get stuck. Stuck places hurt. They chafe and leave scars. Hey, life leaves enough scars. You don’t need to add to them.

And, by the way, ordinary is quite good enough, too. In fact, the poet William Martin, in his poem “Make the Ordinary Come Alive”, suggests that when we embrace the ordinary “The extraordinary will take care of itself.” There’s something of “good enough” in his advice along with the understanding that we don’t stay there.

You are so good enough

So, what if you are good enough as is? What if your first steps into your next stage of life were “good enough”? What if your version of a Multidimensional Life could begin with curiosity and a vision that’s not crystal clear? How about some trial and error? A foray into a perfectly imperfect adventure?

How about if we do it together? It’s always easier with a partner. Especially one who understands good enough and knows that your good enough is much more amazing than you think. Contact me here to see how to get started.

Come fall in love with “good enough”.

 

***Experience Jill Badonsky and her Blanche Baldwin persona in her podcast A Muse’s Daydream. And I just gotta say as a New Jersey girl, born and bred, “Oh, Gawd, I hope I don’t sound like her!” 😂 Enjoy!

A Messy, Complicated, Sweet Life

Tapestry With Messy Edges
Section of tapestry by June Shatken

Life is messy and complicated. This year, last year, next year. Whether we’re young or old. It can be quite messy. Period. And it seems especially so as we travel through the second half. When I speak and write about creating a Multidimensional Life, I am not ignoring this fact.

Rather, what I am striving to convey is that you can live a sweet Multidimensional Life in spite of all this. You can take a minute to remember what is most important to you – important at your very core – and include it in your life. You can weave it in even if only in small moments in the face of the world around you. When you do you create a rich, meaningful and creative life while operating from a grounded place that encompasses the good with the bad, the sweet with the hard, the beautiful and the not so beautiful. Because, again, life can be messy and complicated.

Remembering and Recommitting

So, this is not about trying to create and maintain an Instagram life; it’s about being yourself. It’s about living in the contrast of the sweet and the hard and finding balance. When you embrace this, you let go of perfection and fall in love with “good enough”. You’re able to appreciate those incremental moments and build on them.  Because you are on a foundation of “real”, you avoid collapsing into a rut or a crisis.

Probably one of my biggest and most important life lessons was learning how easy it is to get lost in a busy, crazy, messy and noisy world. For a long time, I didn’t realize I was lost. Being whip-sawed just felt normal. Once I became aware, however, the next question was what to do about it.

What I learned was to Pause, to take a breath (literally), center myself and remember what is most important. To take a step back and remember what I’m here for. While there’s certainly an element of mindfulness in this, I believe it more about remembering and recommitting to who I am at my essence. (Here’s an interesting article that expands the idea of pausing into the current world environment and reaffirms the value of the Pause.)

Waking up and pausing creates the loom of life

You become the shuttle weaving the threads of meaning, attention, action, joy, value, delight, honesty, authenticity. The warp and the weft.  All those things that go into creating the fabric of your Multidimensional Life.

This day, week, year will have its challenges. So, how do you keep yourself intact while maintaining your Multidimensional Life, even if just for a moment?

First, what is it you yearn for? What are you here for in this beautiful messy life? Once you know, look at what gets in the way. Determine just one small action or thought to take you in the direction of that yearning. That small thought or action creates a ripple effect. It initiates change that, in turn, will beget more change and, in the process, illuminate parts of the dream that weren’t clear before.

If life is too busy, think short bursts. Take a 10-minute walk. Make a call – personal or business. Just one. Check just one item off the list. Meditate or sit and look out the window for 5 minutes. Small success moments mean a lot.

Where we start when we work together

  1. Imagine you have a magic wand. Wave it over your life and recognize your dream. What do you see?
  2. Choose just one element.
  3. Ask yourself what is one small action you can take toward that goal.
  4. Celebrate every small success

Don’t be fooled by its simplicity. These steps build momentum over time. They also allow for course corrections where needed. They will be needed and that’s actually the fun part.

What changes

Instead of being in a rut, you will have fluidity in your life and be able to navigate the messiness.

Instead of being drowned out by the noise, you’ll be able to hear your thoughts telling you what is most important to you, what has meaning, value, purpose, joy.

You will be liberated to make more daring choices; possibilities will show up. You won’t get mired in woeful wishing.

The real you will emerge from your heart center and surprise and delight you with her wit and wisdom. (She’s an old soul traveling with you from long before you were here.)

She will guide you through the mess and the complications with grace and humor.

She’ll turn down the noise, calm the craziness and show you the way to cultivate your best Multidimensional life.

Contact me to set up a discovery call and talk about how this process would look for you.

It’s time. Let’s get started.

A letter to Thomas Jefferson and The Case for White Space

A White Space
Image by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash (altered)

Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing – advising his daughter Martha, 1787. – Thomas Jefferson

Dear Mr. Jefferson,

It saddens me that you instilled into your daughter the belief that “always doing” is beneficial. I wonder how that worked for her. Perhaps it was the way of the 18th century, but with all due respect, I say poppycock!

This is a myth that needs to be dismantled. It’s time to redefine idleness and challenge the need to be “always doing”.

This notion that we get more done when we are constantly doing is a great example of the law of diminishing returns. It ignores the need for rest, recharge, re-creation. Where and when do we get to think and dream? To just noodle?

Sloth or idleness?

How do you define idleness, TJ? Did you never walk around the grounds of Monticello while dreaming up the Declaration of Independence or working through a gnarly design problem? I find a walk to be an amazing stimulus for my creativity. I’m re-creating and enjoying the fresh air while I write in my head or marvel at the ideas that pop up. I often use the voice-recorder on my iPhone. You would have loved that.

What about sitting down with a beloved book?

Perhaps you consider staring out the window to be idleness? Again, I disagree. Sometimes it can be hard to do sit and woolgather. However, when I do I find that the quality of the ideas and creativity that come up is better than anything that emerges when I have my nose to the grindstone that is my desk!

For me, the concept of idleness or what could be considered non-productivity is a struggle and something I work on and toward. Yes, I hear the irony in that. But I have come to understand its intrinsic value. Now, understand, I not talking about sitting around the house in curlers and a housecoat, a cigarette dangling from my mouth, watching Jerry Springer. That is sloth, not idleness. There’s a vast difference.

Idling or recharging

But I get it, this tug of constant productivity. The way that even downtime has to be structured and busy. It’s an attitude that has carried over from my years of working in corporate where busy-ness was a measure of my value. When I slip back into that mindset, no matter what I do it’s never enough. I go down a rabbit hole and fizzle out. Then I need to recharge. And in that situation my recharging choices are not always the best. Surfing the internet, computer games… You have no idea, TJ, of the ways we can be “idle” here in the 21st century.

Therefore, I’d rather weave “idle” recharging into my day. Even as I write this I will occasionally turn around and gaze out the window. The sky is autumn blue and the leaves are getting sparse. The sun slants in at a lower angle and casts long shadows. My mind relaxes and thoughts untangle. Sitting and looking out the window is just what I need at times. And then I turn back to the page.

White space

So, did you ever consider the beauty of white space on your calendar, TJ? A block of time that has no commitment. Expansive and luxurious. Where all things are possible. Yes, it may also produce anxiety, bring up the habitual need to fill it with something productive, something meaningful and purposeful. However, what I’m finding is that meaningful and purposeful don’t live on the hamster wheel. They live in our heart centers and if we are constantly “doing” as you are advising your daughter, we will never learn what they have to teach us. We will never hear their song that carries us into our Multidimensional Lives.  Here’s a beautiful article by Leo Babauta titled “Life’s Missing White Space.” He discusses how white space in design provides greater legibility, luxury, breathing room and balance. And then he applies these concepts to life.

What would white space look like for you?

The reality is that staying in that high activity mode, 24/7 is not healthy. It keeps the adrenaline pumping, causing stress and all those things that cascade down from that state. That state begets more need for productivity and the feeling that whatever we do is not quite enough. Certainly, I could do more. It keeps us on the hamster wheel.

Am I alone in this?

I’m curious, reader. What does idleness bring up for you? Do you need to be always “doing” or knowing what’s next? Could you use help in slowing the hamster wheel of endless productivity and defining what your white space might look like? Contact me and learn how working together can bring ease, possibilities and, yes, some of that well-deserved white space into a busy life.

Reflect on Your Mortality

Coffee Mug With Begin
Image by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

Reflect on your mortality. Not exactly an uplifting opening line or prospect. However, on further consideration you may come to agree that it is actually a necessary and positive exercise. It can infuse a healthy sense of urgency and allow for possibilities not previously considered!

A Health, Wellness & Fitness magazine appeared in my mailbox recently. One cover article promised “44 Health, Wellness & Fitness Tips”. I’m a sucker for these. I know many of them so I enjoy making a righteous mental tick mark.  Others are new ideas or good reminders. But the suggestion to reflect on my mortality stopped me.

After all, on an average day how often do you think about your mortality? Usually, especially in these strange times, we are encouraged to focus on the positives. Look for things to appreciate. I recently offered a 5-day Savor challenge with the idea being that stopping to savor something leads to gratitude.

And I still believe gratitude and positivity is valuable.

So, when I saw “reflect on your mortality” as a wellness tip … I paused.

Small but life changing advice

At first blush it seemed quite grim. Morose. Sad, even. But I stayed with it for a bit. I read the whole paragraph and came away with a fuller understanding of what the author was trying to convey.

It wasn’t saying my time was nigh. It was reminding me that we are mortal beings. Not eternal. Our time here is finite. Not infinite.

If you took that to heart, what would you do differently? Right now? It could be life changing.

Memento Mori

Now, I know that you don’t go through life thinking that you’ll live forever. Hopefully you’ve done your estate planning and have your end of life wishes articulated. But you certainly don’t ruminate over your final days. If you think about it at all it’s to wish or pray that you won’t suffer, or that loved ones won’t suffer.

But we all come with an expiration date. And there’s no convenient stamp on us to tell us when that time is.

And, again, this wellness tip wasn’t asking that we reflect on our date of death. The message was  “Memento mori” – “remember that you will die.” One day it will be too late.

Before it’s too late

There’s a quote that I always associate with Wayne Dyer: “Don’t die with your music still in you.”

It’s a beautiful metaphor for the gifts inside you waiting to be shared. It’s also another reminder to not wait until it’s too late. To start now even if with tiny steps. To start now even if the song is not clear in your head, even if the melody is sketchy and the theme not fully formed.

The music doesn’t have to be elaborate. Simplicity can be just as eloquent. You also don’t have to think in terms of the grand gesture. Start small. Here’s a story of someone who followed a thread in her life, got involved in a local organization and enriched her life while making a difference in the lives of others. Her music is out in the world.

In her blog post “5 Regrets of the Dying”, Bronnie Ware writes about the misgivings many of her palliative care patients expressed as they neared the end. It’s poignant and a great lesson. How wonderful it would feel to live with no regrets.

A final example, my husband’s friend who had many health challenges in his later years. Even though it might have helped, he resisted the physical therapy that was recommended. At the end he asked his son if it was too late to try. Of course, it was. The grief of what could have been is deep.

I’m challenging you to pause and think about this. And then ask yourself what you’d do differently in this moment. Right now? In the juicy bit of the present. Before you rush on to the next task, appointment, social media post, Instagram photo, text message?

What would I do differently?

I would be bolder in inviting you into a conversation about how our working together would help you create and live a second half of life that is rich and meaningful and in touch with the music that’s inside you.

I would be more direct in telling you that it’s not too late to be or do something you’ve put off, to make more daring and unexpected choices in how you spend your day, to make meaningful life changes.

I would urge you to shake off the status quo and live unapologetically. Now.

I would show you the container and the tools to unfold your Multidimensional Life that’s as necessary and vital as all the things you do for your health.

I’m urging you to do this now. Contact me to get started.

Staying centered and sane

Even in the midst of life’s challenges and disappointments and hardships this is possible. I have found during my own hard times that taking time for those things that make me come alive is what gets me through. Taking 20 minutes for a walk with a friend. Talking on the phone with my writing buddy, puttering in the garden for 30 minutes, savoring my morning Barry’s tea even if the rest of the day is going to be consumed by the urgent. I have learned that even small moments of the important make all the difference. They keep me connected to the layers of my Multidimensional Life. That keeps me centered and sane.

Reflect on your mortality. You don’t have forever so start now! Now in what might be the middle or the final quarter of your life. Start now because you’re not dead yet. And, of course, once you are…well, it is just too damn late!

 

Leaves in the stream of life

Leaves In A Stream
photo by Jeffrey Eisen on Unsplash

Life is often compared to a river, a current that carries us along. We become leaves in a stream.

There’s no stopping time, no stopping the current. Just like water life will always find ways to move forward.

And as time marches on we begin to feel that we can’t do anything about it its passage. And that’s true. We can do nothing about its passing. But it’s not the forward movement that’s the problem. It’s the direction. Your direction.

It’s not the fact that it flows. It’s the direction of that flow.

I have a water run-off problem in my yard. It’s eroded the soil, left bare patches in the lawn and debris from the road, the driveway and the eroded ground is scattered all over.

I live on the downside of the mountain. The water will come. My focus is now on directing it where I want it. Rain garden, anyone? (And, as the garden is an essential part of my Multidimensional Life, I am being true to myself when I give it my attention.)

So, as in the metaphor above, life is just like that water. It happens. It flows. It carries life’s debris and if left to its own devices can erode our very beings. But consider this: you get to decide where it takes you even if it’s merely the way you choose to frame it. You get to take a pause, maybe grab onto an overhanging branch, take a breath and consider where you go from there.

The flow of your life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Life will happen. We can’t control everything. But take a moment now and think about what you can control. Make a decision on what direction the flow of your life will take you. Whether the current of time will carry you along like a leaf in a stream

Will you be swept away? Or at the helm and navigating?

Will you succumb to a torrent of emotion or step back and, once again, pause?

But go beyond just “managing”.  In addition to navigating are you also setting the course direction? In your pause are you giving yourself choice? Are you directing some of your time and energy to what actually lights you up and gives your life deeper meaning? Or are you stuck in a holding pattern where you never make time for yourself, where time becomes a vacuum that is filled by others?

It’s not always easy but remember that you do get to decide.

And when it’s challenging you can consider getting a co-pilot.

A case study

One of my clients, with whom I’ve worked for several years, has had lots of life wash over her. Health, career, family “stuff” that could have easily knocked her off her path permanently. Remember how that water carves its own way?

But in spite of all that was going on, with my help, she was able to maintain perspective, take what were sometimes miniscule steps forward, and sometimes take a break from the journey and take care of what needed care. It was a pause; not the end. It was conscious and deliberate.

A serious injury laid her low for a while. She experienced a lot of pain. However, as her coaching journey was leading her toward healing modalities, she was able to consider how her particular situation could benefit her work with others. Her intuition had been honed in our work together and she knew that this was grist for her particular mill. It didn’t take the pain away, but it gave it some purpose.

I was able to help her with that. I was able to help her with the decision to step back, even to stop coaching for a while, to regroup, be sad where she needed to be sad, hurt where she needed to hurt and to provide a safe container for her to come back to and resume her journey. And what a journey it has been!

Your own experience

But you don’t need to just take my word for it. Or rely completely on someone else’s experience either. Experience it yourself. Explore how it feels to begin to take a new approach to the stream of life.

Contact me for a discovery call. What’s calling to you from deep within? What have you left behind in a busy life? What’s getting in the way? Discover how our work together will make a difference.

(Here’s a little short read on growing old that calls up this age old metaphor of life as a river.)

Midlife Awakening

Freedom
Image by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash

It’s been my experience and observation that we spend early to mid-adulthood, our Second Age, on auto-pilot. We charge through our days getting lots of “stuff” done. We compartmentalize life, schedule our pleasures and squeeze in downtime. It’s a race to the end of each day. But once you arrive at midlife? Ah, now it’s your time, a for awakening.

I’ve written about the Third Age, a theory Peter Laslett offered in his book, A Fresh Map of Life: The emergence of the Third Age. Today I want to talk a bit about that Second Age.

Just to refresh:  In our first age, he says, we are dependent. We are still immature; we may be students. The second age is the time for independence, maturity, working. The third age is an era for personal achievement and fulfillment, and the fourth age is a final dependence, infirmity and death.

The Second Age

The Second Age is a building time. Typically, we are absorbed in developing careers, making a good living, rearing families. Often, we are taking care of older generations. It is an outwardly focused time. And, let’s be honest, there’s a little bit of keeping up with the Joneses. We’re running on the schedule of Alice in Wonderland’s White Rabbit. “I’m late, I’m late…”

Maybe that’s what has to happen during those years.

No judgment here. I’ve lived it, too.

However, what I know is that we don’t have to continue to embody that story.

Awakening to the Third Age, a Multidimensional Life

What I know is that we can Pause, get our bearings and transition to another path, our Third Age, our Multidimensional Life.

Now, I’m not saying it won’t be scary. There’s a nakedness, a vulnerability in this process and that can be quite uncomfortable.

But, just imagine the enormous relief of awakening in midlife, taking off the bindings of earlier times and feeling free. The sweetness of checking in with your quiet inner voice and heeding her message. Learning that you have options as to what comes next, that you are strong and courageous and that it’s okay to rock the boat as you move forward into uncharted waters.

What I wish for you

I believe that this is essential for a full, rich life. Therefore, this is my work in the world:

To empower brave women like you to feel the liberation that comes from speaking to what is alive and true in you.

To guide you as you step into the life-long experiment of being on your own path, even when that path is not clear, of taking small, steady steps in creating and expressing your truest self.

To remind you that there is always the possibility of growing and transforming, of exploring the options of what comes next, of being open to how everything you need is on the path to finding who you are.

Ultimately, it is the freedom of being your true self that wins the day.

Contact me for a discovery call. Let’s explore how I can help you find that freedom.

Tracking Time

Clock

Recently, I started tracking my time. I was inspired by a comment on a recent call with my coach, Isabel Parlett. It got me curious. Where does my day go? Am I living the Multidimensional Life I want to be living where those things that are important get the same attention as the urgent? Where there is some space in my day to breathe or think, or do both at the same time.

Whoa! This little experiment immediately snapped my head back into a mindset that had whips cracking and deadlines breathing down my neck. That is a familiar and, unfortunately, comfortable mindset. It’s a perfect illustration of a hamster wheel that resides in a very deep groove in my head and into which I can easily fall. It was constrictive. I’d rather my time be expansive.

I’ve done this type of exercise before: while I was still working in corporate, when I first left and started my business.

It never felt good. I don’t respond well to whips and things breathing down my neck.

But…

This time was different.

I woke up from the wheel induced coma much quicker.

I paused to evaluate the results of this tracking.

I observed what got done and what didn’t.

I wasn’t thrilled with what I found.

Granted, I got a lot of tasks done. Work tasks, household tasks, personal tasks.

But do you see what was happening? Everything became a task. Just the word task has a certain crackling quality to it. It’s not onomatopoetic (you have to love that word!) but it may as well have been, because it sounded just like a bullwhip snapping close to my ear.

Important vs. Urgent

There was no space woven into my day. It was a race to the finish so that tangible results could be documented. List items could be checked off. I could hear the “good girl, Kathy” in the back of my head.

No! No! No! Get off the hamster wheel!!

Here’s what I know about life off the hamster wheel:

  • We can still be productive.
  • Thinking and dreaming are essential to a full and fulfilling life.
  • Hard, tangible lists can be replaced with curiosity and creativity.
  • The cracking whip can be replaced with an inner GPS check.
  • We can get the urgent done while leaving space for the important.

The important is what is woven into a Multidimensional Life, what gives it its dimension and sparkle. It should be given the same priority as the urgent.

Actually, it should be given a higher priority so we’re sure to get to it.

The intangibles

Because often the urgent is easier than the important. That’s an interesting phenomenon, isn’t it? The edges of urgent are easily defined.

Set up a landing page for an offering? Easy. Yes, there are some tech challenges but there will be steps to follow. We figure it out.

Other things are not quite as simple. Get to the next chapter of my book. Ooh, now we’re in the amorphous world of “I don’t know what happens next.”  Adding more movement/exercise to my day – also important.  Not always simple steps to follow if I want to keep and loose and intuitive.

What’s important to you? What might your day feel like?  Is there a creative project or a refresh of your day-to-day rhythms called for? What about noodling about a new business or retirement? There’s no real template so it’s hit or miss. It’s curiosity and practice. It’s not knowing and trusting.

It’s never an end result like an urgent task that has a starting and ending point and can be given a neat little check box that you tick off.

But it’s so very important.

The thrill of the process

It’s a process, a journey and guess what? That is where the good stuff is. That’s the juice, the thrill, the joy.

It’s messy and complicated and simple and fun all at the same time.

I know. This is what I am reminded of when I come out of my hamster wheel induced coma and remember what’s important.

That next chapter of the book. The garden dreams. My business. My clients. What I’m doing at this very moment.

Does this whet your appetite for your own Multidimensional Life? I hope so. I hope it gives you a yearning for what could be. That sensation of “I can taste it but I can’t put my finger on it…yet”. This is where I shine in helping you shine. Are you being called to do the work you’re called to do?

The other stuff will get done. This is the Multidimensional Life we all crave. And deserve.

I’d love to talk to you about getting you off your hamster wheel and into your Multidimensional Life. Click here to book a consult with me.

A Pause to Savor

A Moment To Savor Life
Image by Radu Florin on Unsplash

Savoring. A deep awareness, an inner mmm.

It is gratitude on a fuller, deeper level that incorporates more of the body and the senses.

By its very nature it produces a Pause, not to mention closed eyes and a smile.

It’s a moment when time slows down and gratitude wells up.

Why Pause and savor?

The benefits of this moment are many.

  • It brings you smack dab into the present moment.
  • It releases stress.
  • It makes you more aware of other things to savor
  • It leads to more gratitude

Savoring is also a wonderful first step to creating a Multidimensional Life. A life in which these moments of savoring are woven into your every day.

Yes, even your busy days. Even days in hamster-wheel-driven lives.

The hamster wheel behind the scenes

While you may not notice this hamster wheel of your life on a conscious level, your unconscious is screaming. And, once you become aware of it, it’s not always possible to just hit the off switch. This frenzied wheel is your normal. You’ve created a habit of cramming as much as you can into your day. You zip from one task or commitment to the next with little thought other than how you’ll get from one to the next. Quite one dimensional.

I know, I’ve been there. And I also know that living at this speed is not sustainable. Something will break, something will be forgotten or discarded or lost. Sometimes that something is you.

You get lost in the minutiae of your day as you try to get it all done. But the hours of the day are finite, so it spills over to the next day. And the stress happily tags along.

Bliss moments

Do you remember the Calgon ads? “Calgon, take me away!” Or the look of a woman in a Dove candy ad eating a chocolate? The bliss, the savoring.

Or the TV ad for the Calm app that invites you to do nothing for 15 seconds. (Does that make you anxious, antsy, a little itchy? Just “being” can be hard while trying to keep the wheel in motion.)

Yes, it’s hard to slow down, shut down, savor “just like that”.  But you can do it slowly, gradually.

What I suggest is weaving in pockets of savoring to start.

Slowing down

Those are your hands on the throttle. You can slow things down for those pockets of savoring. Take a moment now. Imagine your hands grasping the controls. White knuckled. Feel yourself pulling it back, slowing it down. Listen to the whine of the engine get quieter. Feel the vibrations get fainter and fainter. Let it come to a gentle stop. Experience yourself stepping off, pausing and savoring a moment. Whether it’s a moment of quiet, or that Dove chocolate or a piece of music. Maybe your partner or your workmate.

Just a short Pause

While I’m using the analogy of stopping the hamster wheel, savoring is not always the cessation of all activity. It can be a Pause. At least to start.

For instance, you can metaphorically slow down and appreciate your commute, your dinner preparation, weeding your garden. You can temporarily pause at a view, a word, a phrase.

During my last job my commute was all back roads. No highways, just country roads and neighborhoods. One spot was my favorite. It overlooked the Washington Valley and at certain times of the year, the setting sun would be perched atop the tree line. Like the old Kilroy was here graffiti. I didn’t stop the car but I would consciously quiet my monkey mind and appreciate the view. To savor the beauty and amuse myself by personifying the sun as a long-nosed cartoon character peeping over the horizon.

In my Writers Circle we read our freshly written work. And almost every time someone reads, we get stopped by a phrase or a word. We need to pause and savor it. Someone will say “Can you go back and read that sentence again? It was so beautiful.” “I got lost for a moment after that one phrase…” It’s as if we tripped and fell into gorgeous language. It’s a moment of savoring and appreciating.

This is what is missing in a hamster-wheel driven life.

The moments that accumulate and create a different feeling, a multi textured world, where beauty and riches reside. Moments that can be woven into the musts and even the “shoulds”. Moments that can gradually unfurl into hours, days, a life, a Multidimensional Life.

I have a chance for you to practice this starting August 31st in my private Facebook group: Your Big Juicy Multidimensional Life.  Join the group now for more info on what we’ll be doing and how you can participate. 

Are you up for a challenge?

Start awakening to your Big Juicy Multidimensional Life.

Help with the Midlife Journey

You Can Lighten Up Your Journey

Do you find it hard to ask for help? Do you feel that you need to do things on your own? After all, why would you work with a coach for help in the passage into midlife and beyond? To lighten up the journey? That beautiful unfurling of a Multidimensional Life? After all you can read a book or talk to your friends. And hiring a coach feels frivolous. I used to think that way.

Lots more road ahead

At a certain point in life we start to sense feelings of disappointment. It can become a close companion. Regrets, ruing, what if’s, the road not taken. I know I’ve been there. We aren’t that 21-year-old anymore with starry dreams and no road dust. We have been through the thick of it. We have worked and nurtured, we’ve laughed and shed a lot of tears. Tears of sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, laughter. We’ve been knocked for loops, left adrift, fallen down, gotten up, been pulled up, been knocked down. So, how do we put it behind us and move on? Because there’s still more road ahead.

And, here’s the thing: You’re still here!  All the stuff I just listed? This is the stuff that will be used for the next leg of your journey. This is the stuff that you can sort through, dialogue with, toss out. You can thank it for its lessons and let it go. You can use the Marie Kondo method – does this bring me joy?  No? Toss it. This is grist for your personal mill, lead to be transmuted into gold.

You are an alchemist.

Moving forward

Now, you can certainly go it alone. You’re smart. This isn’t your “first rodeo”. However, my personal experience is that without support dreams just float by. It’s hard to get momentum and easy to slip back into the rut of the status quo. The pages of the calendar fly away at an ever-quickening rate. Oh, well, you sigh. Maybe I’m too old for change. Maybe it’s too late. Life isn’t so bad.

You’re not too old.

It’s not too late.

Life can be richer, deeper and more meaningful.

I’m not talking huge epiphanies or complete 180’s. I’m talking about beginning an exploration of possibilities with small questions, small steps, curiosity and joy.

Why go it alone?

Getting support, hiring a coach, taking courses…this was hard for me in the beginning. I always thought that I should be able to fix whatever wasn’t working. I thought asking for help was a weakness. It didn’t fit in with the image I had of myself as a strong, self-sufficient woman. Yes, my ego was quite fierce!

But, the reality? Staying in my own head, having no objective person to bounce things off didn’t work. Yes, I have a great husband and friends and siblings but their views and feedback will usually be biased. They know me as they think they know me.

Fresh ideas, fresh tools, fresh mindsets? That has made all the difference. Finding new people who resonate with the person I was becoming and who weren’t stuck on the old me (like I also was!) was life changing.

That is what I do for my clients.

What else I do

I also:

  • Remind them of their dreams
  • Help them create small questions and determine next small steps. (There’s an art to this!)
  • Provide accountability, celebration, deep listening and someone to reflect back their words.
  • Have an array of creative tools to make this process more intriguing and fun.

By midlife we carry so much. We are containers that life has filled to the brim with all our experiences – both good and bad. Up bubbles the regrets, the disappointments.

It’s time to tip that container over and sort through things. It’s time to stop being weighed down by this slag.

What worked, what do you love, what is important to you, what are your values – have they shifted, what brings meaning into your day, your life? What about joy, delight, a giggle?

Work with what is working

Let’s shine the light on that, expand it, thank the other stuff for their contribution, for their strengthening power, for making you who you are. Know that there will be more challenges and tears but the depth and richness of your MD Life will be able to contain them, hold them and let them move through and out of you.

Now is the time to begin living as if you believed you have a lot of life left and that the quality of that life matters. Because when you do, it begins to come true. It’s magic. It’s alchemy. You are golden.

You are so much more. Contact me and we’ll uncover the you that is in waiting. Let’s show the world all your beautiful layers. Your Multidimensional Life.

Tuning In

Alert Rabbit Tuned In To Surroundings
Image by skeeze from Pixabay

Are you tuned in? To yourself, not the outside world. The outside’s easy. Tuning in to your inner world requires less thinking and more listening but can feel awkward at first. What should be harmonious instead feels clumsy. Tuning in is an essential part of a Multidimensional Life.

Why it’s important

I hold a shared work space with another coach a few times a week. We bring everyone into our virtual space with a guided relaxation that invites them to tune in to what really wants to be done. It gives permission to put down the taskmaster’s switch and dial in to what the inner self wants. For some, it is a meal or their journal or exercise. Maybe a cup of coffee before they start a task, a small step. It brings grace into their day.

Animals and insects are tuned in. What wants and needs to be done is natural to them. They are not multi-tasking or wearing blinders, going full tilt on the highway to the next task. They are quite brilliant.

This comes to me as I sit out on my deck one recent early morning. I notice the cicadas tuning up, practicing the quickening crescendo of their August song, that creaky, ch-ch-ch sound. It sounds like August, I thought. How does nature know? July is waning, the garden is becoming voluptuous. As I tune in to the sounds and smells of high summer, I am awash in emotions both bittersweet and anticipatory. And I stay tuned in to it all, leaning my head back on the rocker and taking it in with all my senses.

How lucky I am to have this experience. I feel gratitude surging. This is an important element of my Multidimensional Life. I will go back into the house and tend to tasks and responsibilities, but I savor this time in the fresh new morning – just me and the birds, bees and cicadas.

Genius of a Pause

The awe at nature’s genius remains with me as I go about my day. Nature just knows what the next step is and when to take it. It doesn’t procrastinate or get side-tracked. It carries on brilliantly.

How do we become genius? How do we tune in to our natural brilliance? It’s all there for the taking once we get off the merry-go-round and Pause. 

A Pause allows us to listen, discern a natural next step, make it small enough to make it easy and then take it.

A Pause is potent because without it the proverbial tail wags the dog. The outside world pushes and pulls. We are unconscious to it, operating by habitual thoughts and actions.

A small example of one of my Pauses

I take medication for a sluggish thyroid. It’s supposed to be taken on an empty stomach so I try to take it first thing in the morning. A few days ago I sat down to breakfast and realized I hadn’t taken it. Oh, I wish I would remember to take it first thing! You know that exasperated tone?

When I paused to listen, I was able to tune in to the feeling under the thought. I was able to hear the chastising way I said that to myself. Taking myself to task was not going to help me remember and it didn’t make me feel good about myself.

I observed a habitual mode of thinking and then was able to make a conscious decision to cut myself some slack. I would never say that to you in that tone of voice. Why do I say it to me that way?

Where are you NOT tuning in?

Again, a very tiny example, but magnify that by the hundreds or thousands of thoughts that flit through our heads and the myriad actions we take each day without thinking. We become automatons living a one dimensional, hamster wheel driven life.

Tuning in doesn’t always require action. It certainly doesn’t require judgement. It requires a small pause, a checking in with our inner guidance and then perhaps an adjustment to our course. A trajectory that is dialed in to the richness and depth of a Multidimensional Life.

This is where I can help. I help tune up your tuning device. I listen to help you listen. I clear the way for you to build your Multidimensional Life. Contact me to learn more.

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