One thing I’ve learned over the years of crafting what I now call my Multidimensional Life is to do more observing than reacting. Because what I have found is that that my initial reaction usually misses the mark. It’s more habit of thought than intuition. I was reminded of this recently when what seemed like a feeling of being adrift slowly revealed itself as an intentional letting go.
My journey over the last decade or so has shown me very clearly how insidious habitual thinking is. As a result, I’ve learned that when I pause, the second (or third) thought is more accurate. Just like when I was learning to cross the street, lo those many years ago, I need to stop, look and listen.
It was the deeper listening that made me understand that what I was experiencing wasn’t an untethering. Instead it was a grounding into my own Multidimensional Life. A letting go. Me doing the releasing, not being cut off by the outside world. An inner driven decision, not outward driven.
As it turns out, it feels good. So, I asked myself just what does this mean in the scope of my own MD life.
But first, a side trip into what a MD life is not.
When we use the word multidimensional to define an object it means that it contains many facets. It is not flat; it has nooks and crannies, some obvious, others hidden. To me there’s magic in it. Each time we look, different aspects reveal themselves. However, not everything must be taken in at once.
When I talk about a Multidimensional Life, I mean the same thing. Not every facet needs to be in play at every moment. It is not an invitation to overwhelm. It is not intended to create a longer to-do list or attain the status of superwoman.
It is intended to be lived in conjunction with a pause which allows space, breath and discernment. It is being true to those things that are most important, not just urgent. We know the urgent will get done, but the challenge is to weave in the important, the meaningful, the joyful, the nurturing.
Back to my gradual untethering.
Once a month I connect with other coaches for a creative mastermind. There is a structure to it as we think out loud and tap into each other’s wisdom. I value these women and this time together and my nature is to be diligent about keeping every appointment.
But sometimes my MD life requires me to hit the pause button. Sometimes, I need to decide among various options and priorities. Sometimes, I have to tumble over to the side of me and what’s best for me at the moment.
That’s what happened recently.
When I think of the things that are most important to me, things that I need in my life, my outdoor space is high on the list. It doesn’t have to HGTV worthy, but it needs to give me pleasure when I look out my window or step outside. However, for the last 5+ years I have disappointed myself and been saddened by the neglect I inflicted on my garden. I had instead agreed to the ideas and priorities of others and put my joy of the garden on the back burner.
On the day of the mastermind call I had several things on my calendar: a coaching client, this blog post to start, reminder emails for my writing circle and editing of my own creative fiction that I would be sharing with another writer. It was a full day.
By the end of the afternoon, when I was due to get on our call, I was standing in my yard amid branches that needed to be cut up. I was in a groove and feeling good in the fresh air and sunshine. Then my phone alarm reminded me of the upcoming call.
Having and doing it all is not a MD life.
Joy whooshed out of me. Deflated, I said to myself “I can’t do it all” (habitual thinking). Self responded, “Why are you trying? What do you want?” (pause) Myself chose the yard and pruners. I never miss these calls. One time would be okay.
The having and doing it all is an unrealistic goal foisted on us by a productivity crazed outside world. It’s a view of women that would elevate us to superwoman (which is a load of you know what. It just means that we can take care of it all. Nothing new there. Move along; nothing to see.)
The illustration in this Star Ledger article really says it all. While the writer is talking about motherhood, much doesn’t change as we move into the second half of life. The baby might be a grandchild. We may be in a position now to hire help around the house, but we’re still are the point person, the hiring person, the one who deals with the details.
Oh, I’m sounding cranky. Actually, I’m very tired. Not a lot of sleep as I worry about a medical condition my husband is dealing with. Not Covid, thankfully; but definitely not a time to need to see a doctor.
But this is also part of a MD Life. The knowledge that things pass, we adapt, we can still get to those things that are most important. We may need to be more discerning but we can still get to them. We are not responsible for the world; we can accept help; in many areas we actually are dispensable. Does that sound harsh?
With a tip of the hat to Helen Reddy, sure we can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. We don’t have to, though. What is it you want? The bacon will still get cooked.
I chose to not attend this month’s mastermind. I know it was great and that I would have taken away more than I brought. But it was great and powerful for those who were there even without me.
Is it ego that drives us to try to do and be it all? Maybe. We think that we want to help, be useful and productive. Yet I suspect part of it is that we want to be looked at with appreciation, admiration. We want to be the hero of the story.
How about just being the hero of our own story?
I had a college teacher who always said that the only thing in life that was non-negotiable was love. How about loving yourself as you love your loved ones. Get comfortable with feeling “selfish.” (You’re not.) You are tending to a very important life – yours.
In the end the feeling of being untethered, adrift, was really about being centered in what was important in my world. It was about more discernment, less fractured attention. It was about standing strong in my world and my priorities.
Try out the feeling of being untethered to the outside world. Anchor into your heart instead. Tether yourself to you.