Photo by Sarandy Westfall on Unsplash
Memory is fickle. It is fractious. It can fool us and fake us out. It’s a shapeshifter. But capture and corral memories into words on the page? They are enlightening. They become our legacy.
Many years ago, I listened to a radio program about memory. Ironically, I will not remember it perfectly. However, that was the point of the program. How each time we dip into our memory bin and pull something out, it changes.
A memory from even longer ago, when I was about twelve, was when I quit the Girl Scouts. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my father later that day telling him about it. My father said “we don’t quit.” I rescinded my quit and returned.
Memory takeaways
That conversation rose out of my memory decades later when I was preparing my ice breaker speech for Toastmasters. I realized at that time that quitting was very difficult for me even when it was in my best interest. Staying in a career that was not a good fit was a perfect example. Forcing myself to be successful at a high cost. I associated this with that long ago conversation. My father was long gone at this point and I relayed this story to my mother.
“Oh, he never would have said that!” she exclaimed. I didn’t argue with her. I didn’t remind her of how he stayed at his job for decades. How he encouraged my brother-in-law to go off on his own rather than staying in a secure job. (Was there a little wishful thinking back then on his part? I thought so at the time.) How he died on his way to that very job when he was 62.
Instead, I said, maybe. But I knew it was what I took away that was more impactful than his actual words. It was how I constructed and internalized that memory.
Because memories are fickle. It’s what we take with us that’s important.
Why write about our memories?
Writing about our memories helps us extract their essence. It lets us take them out and inspect them, see them in a more objective light. And when we share these memories and their impact in our writing, it lets our reader connect with us in a powerful way that can be a catalyst for their own memories.
Writing about the memory of my conversation with my father as I prepared that speech illuminated hidden drivers in my working life. It helped me understand that quitting isn’t always a bad thing. Knowing when to let something go is actually wisdom. In unpacking that memory I found the permission to continue the shift of my career into writing and coaching. It was okay to “quit” the old career that didn’t fit anymore.
Writing our memories is like panning for gold that transforms our lives over and over again while giving value to our readers.
What memory can you pull out of your virtual filing cabinet that, in retrospect, vividly colored your life? A memory that shaped your identity or influenced your decisions? It could be things you took for granted that, when seen for what they were, free you in tiny ways. (Why did we keep frying pans in the oven? Oh, because there was no room for them anywhere else!) Big and small, deep or funny, lesson learned or crisis averted.
Memory explored and written down is alchemized into memoir.
Memoir is a statement that we were here.
When teased out and captured on the page, it is our legacy.
I have a Legacy Writing group in the works for the fall. A workshop leading to a published anthology. More on that as we move into summer. There will also be a few taster workshops in between. Interested? Contact me and I’ll add you to the Legacy Writing interest list.
