An interview with Fear đ
photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash
Note to reader: There’s not a heck of a lot new here. Just having some fun- doing it anyway! – in spite of fear trying to tell me this is too silly. In fact, it’s a good reminder of what usually gets in your way especially when “change” is standing in the wings. It’s also a big factor in why you’re not writing that book, or moving ahead on your creative project!! Whatever’s holding you back, I can help. Contact me to see how. It’s what I love to do. Please read on…
I recently had the chance to sit down with my old nemesis, Fear. It was early morning; his guard was down. There he was, relaxing in the back of my head readying what he calls his daily alerts. I call them salvos. (Yes, itâs a âheâ. Not sure why but thatâs how he showed up!) What follows has been edited for brevity and clarity (as well as to delete some expletives.)
KK: Good morning, Fear. Glad I caught you before you started your busy day. You know, you wreak a lot of havoc in my life. I’m pretty sure Iâm not alone in this. Sure, some of itâs necessary but most of it isnât. I wonder how you would you describe your role in our everyday â and professional – lives?
Fear: Ah, I am a big deal, arenât I? <a cocky smile on his face> My basic function is to keep you safe. Some people say itâs your ego trying to do that. I say, ego â schmego. Thatâs my job. I create the tension, the drama; I keep you on high alert. Makes you feel alive, doesnât it! I get your adrenaline pumping!
K: You certainly do. And frankly, I could do without it at this point of my life. Life’s too short for your nonsense! Any time I decide to move out of my comfort zone you kick in with your opinion. When I want to try something new you say ooh, what if someone doesnât like this! What if you stink at this! Youâre such an imposter!Â
You stop me in my tracks. And off I go – procrastination, second guessing, cleaning toiletsâŠ
F: Youâre welcome. Thatâs one sparkling toilet you have!
K:  âŠfeeling overwhelmed. I can try to ignore you but that doesnât always work. Because youâre also quite crafty. Half the time I donât even realize itâs you sending me to graze in front of the refrigerator or go down an online rabbit hole.
F: Iâm good, huh! By the way do you have any more of this Irish tea?
K: Letâs cut to the chase here. Iâve got the street crossing and hot stove thing down. I know itâs not wise to go hiking alone in the deep woods. Blah, blah, blah. But itâs the other stuff. For all of us. Writing a book, career changes, growing a business, new relationships. Maybe going back to school. Any creative pursuit, really. As soon as any of us wants to try something new, there you are with your âwhat-ifsâ. Safety-schmafety! I, for one, am tired of being safe! You say Ego-schmego. I say you two are in cahoots. How about you guys duke it out while I go do something new!
F: Ok, ok, take it easy. Itâs not always me you know. Try looking at things from a different perspective. Just because youâre dithering over something, not getting to it, doesnât mean itâs me.
K: What do you mean? Who else could it be?
F: You!
K: What!
F: Did it ever occur to you that Iâm not to blame for everything? That maybe, just maybe, whatever it is that youâre avoiding isnât whatâs best for you? It might look like Iâm sticking my nose in â you, know the avoidance, the self-sabotage, the toilet cleaning â but it could actually be that in your heart of hearts, you know itâs not for you.
K: <snort> Right. Sure. Make excuses. Youâre waking up nowâŠ
F: It could be that your gut brain that knows on a deeper level that you donât want that job â itâs not for you. You donât want to move â here is better than there. That you donât want to take on that project or partnership and so on. You have so much intelligence in you that you might be missing because you canât hear it. Okay, I know Iâm loud. It could be getting drowned out. Iâm just trying to get your attention.
K: So, it could still be you, right?
F: Sure. But what Iâm telling you to do is to listen to your heart, first. Pause. Listen. And then do whatâs best for you. Because if youâre listening to your heart, you are safe. You are being a loving steward of your dreams. Ugh! Listen to me! I canât believe Iâm saying these things. If you tell anyoneâŠ
K: But what if my heartâs telling me to connect with that person, to write that book, to go back to school. And, in spite of this Iâm still cleaning my toilet?
F: Well, yeah, thatâs on me. Hereâs what you do. Um⊠WellâŠ
K: What are you looking around for?
F: Itâs only us, right? I wouldnât want any of my fellow fear masters to hear me. Weâre unionized, you know. Iâve got a lot to lose if Iâm seen as a calming influence. Pension, benefits, the whole megillah. But listen. If your heart is telling you to do this thing then you must do it. You must or all this wonder and possibility will die with you. That is the greatest tragedy. And you know how to do it. You know how to sneak past me and my pal, amygdala. Small steps, small questions. Listen first and then take a step. You donât need to know the whole way when you start. Just start!
K: I know. I know.
F: Iâll still be around you know. But at this point it feels like weâre buddies, doesnât it? So go do your thing. Claim that dream. Just say hi once in a while. Iâll do the same. Iâm just telling you to pay attention. Iâm telling you to ignore the shoulds, stop trying to please everyone. Remember Iâm only here as an alert.
K: Ha-ha! Like those stupid weather alerts that tell me itâs raining. Like I canât look out the window!
F: Yeah, like that. Remember, I never said donât do it. I only said what ifâŠ
K: And thatâs where the trouble startsâŠ
F: Hey, Iâm not the boss of you. That beautiful heart is the boss. I wouldnât mess with it. Itâs got a lot of power. I clear out when she gets going. Whoa! Thereâs no stopping her. But you and me? Weâre here for the long run. So, buckle up!