Kane Creative Consulting

Who will you be in the next phase of life?

June 13, 2022
Coaching
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image by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

The need to “do”, to be productive, is engrained in us. Therefore, “But… what will I do?” too often becomes the inevitable question that completes the statement, “I’m thinking of retiring …” However, before you go there, consider an equally important question and one that should be addressed first as you transition into retirement or into any phase of life: “Who will I be?”

Don’t get me wrong. “What will I do” is a good wake-up question because, as sure as dust follows dusting, life will pull you into its slipstream. If you wait until the first morning of retirement to figure it all out you may not make the best decisions. And be assured that there are plenty of folks who will be happy to tell you how to answer that question!

(Just a brief sidebar here: my suggestion to that question is always “plan to do nothing for a while,” the emphasis being on the word being “plan.” More on that another day.)

And I understand that concern about what to do. However, I also know that finding the answer to the question of “who will I be” is a better way to start and a much more satisfying way to drive your actions going forward. It is inner driven rather than outer driven.

Finding answers to “who will I be”

Finding an answer to who you’ll be probably feels a lot of work. Starting with who you are and peeling back layers. Scraping off life’s gunk and stripping away labels to get to who you are at your innermost core. Like the alien in the movie Cocoon who undresses and reveals her non-human status, who the heck are you beneath all the layers? After all this time?

So, yes, it may feel like a lot of work. And, really, who needs more work?

Because I know that by the time we’re contemplating retirement, by the time we are at an important phase of midlife transition, we have been at life for a while. We have adapted, instinctively figured out ways to cope and many of us have switched to auto-pilot. So, any task that can’t seem to be wedged into the rest of our “stuff” isn’t very appealing. It calls up our Scarlett O’Hara persona and we put if off for another day.

Been there; done that!

What if I told you there was an easy, fun way to explore the question of “who will I be?” That the process can be easily wedged into the rest of your stuff?

All it requires are four simple things:

Formulate the question.
Remember to ask.
Pay attention.
Capture what comes up.

Formulate the question

“Who will I be” is broad. Instead, narrow the question’s focus and consider these areas:

Who am I now?
Who do I want to be?
What am I really good at?
What did I love best as a child?
What shoots that bubble of delight up through my chest?
What’s most important to me at this point in my life?
Where do I find awe?
Where do I find meaning?

Questions like these will loosen up your imagination and allow you to find your purpose. That purpose doesn’t have to be big or TikTok ready. It only has to be right for you!

As you go along in this process, more questions will come up and these may change slightly. Go with it.

Remember to ask the question

Sounds simple, but new habits are squirrely and asking a question on a regular basis is a habit. What do you do to remind yourself of other tasks or events? Use that. Or go totally analog and write the question on some post-its. Place them on your vanity mirror, your dashboard, the back of your phone.

The goal is to see it – and ask it – often. Do not labor for an answer. Your only job here is to ask. And to ask frequently.

Pay attention

When your question is handy and asked often, the brain will be engaged and answers will emerge. You will notice news or magazine articles. Random conversations will hold clues. A billboard, a song, a stray memory. Don’t discount any of them. As one of my old co-workers used to say, “radar on, antenna up!” That’s all you need to do. It really is this simple, so resist the urge to complicate it. I’ve also been there and tried to do that!

Capture what comes up

You may think you’ll remember the answers that pop up, but the odds are not in your favor. It has nothing to do with age and all to do with busyness and distractions. Come up with a way to capture what emerges. The memory, the idea, the crazy scheme, the business idea, the volunteer organization, that place or thing you’ve always wanted to visit or do but never had the time.

Capture it all. You are only gathering data at this point. Don’t edit or censor and please don’t judge! And also, be very discerning with whom you share these ideas. Even the most well-intended remark can squash dreams like a bug.

You could try on some of the answers and do a little body check. “I am curious and love learning.” How does that feel? “I love helping others to do ____.” How does that feel?

If you have more time…

Try this exercise:

Make of list of words to define and describe yourself. Pay close attention to your language. Yes, you are a woman, man, partner/spouse, parent, son/daughter. You are an accountant, nurse, doctor, lawyer, baker extraordinaire. You have built a business, a career. Perhaps you’ve traveled the earth or gone to space. Wonderful.

Now go a little deeper. Go beyond the labels; peek underneath. At first, this may be uncomfortable or feel difficult. You may think that nothing’s there. Nothing’s coming up. Who the heck are you outside of what you do or your role in the world? (You could use the questioning format above for this.)

As you begin to list the labels, you may find yourself moving from nouns to pronouns. From pronouns to metaphor. From metaphor to analogy to a story of who you are without the labels. Eventually you will find yourself at the core of who you are.

Years ago, I attended a workshop to learn tips on running writing workshops for children. The teacher suggested a writing prompt that had them list what was in their backpacks. When you let them keep going, the tangible shifts to the intangible. The books and pencils lead to hopes, dreams and fears.

It will be the same for you if you keep going beyond the discomfort.

From there you can build outward. Reassembling yourself into who you’ll be and what you’ll do.

Pause for transformation

All of this requires a Pause. It requires time to think and wonder and ponder. Things we don’t normally spend too much time on in our second act or the first half of life. This is where all the good stuff comes from, the juiciness and richness.

Would you like to continue the process? I provide a very safe container in which you can pause, think out loud, say whatever you want, be outrageous, be hesitant, explore, experiment, course correct. It is transformation – deep and lasting. Contact me to schedule a coffee chat to see how we might work together.

Leaves in the stream of life

September 25, 2020
Coaching
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photo by Jeffrey Eisen on Unsplash

Life is often compared to a river, a current that carries us along. We become leaves in a stream.

There’s no stopping time, no stopping the current. Just like water life will always find ways to move forward.

And as time marches on we begin to feel that we can’t do anything about it its passage. And that’s true. We can do nothing about its passing. But it’s not the forward movement that’s the problem. It’s the direction. Your direction.

It’s not the fact that it flows. It’s the direction of that flow.

I have a water run-off problem in my yard. It’s eroded the soil, left bare patches in the lawn and debris from the road, the driveway and the eroded ground is scattered all over.

I live on the downside of the mountain. The water will come. My focus is now on directing it where I want it. Rain garden, anyone? (And, as the garden is an essential part of my Multidimensional Life, I am being true to myself when I give it my attention.)

So, as in the metaphor above, life is just like that water. It happens. It flows. It carries life’s debris and if left to its own devices can erode our very beings. But consider this: you get to decide where it takes you even if it’s merely the way you choose to frame it. You get to take a pause, maybe grab onto an overhanging branch, take a breath and consider where you go from there.

The flow of your life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Life will happen. We can’t control everything. But take a moment now and think about what you can control. Make a decision on what direction the flow of your life will take you. Whether the current of time will carry you along like a leaf in a stream

Will you be swept away? Or at the helm and navigating?

Will you succumb to a torrent of emotion or step back and, once again, pause?

But go beyond just “managing”. In addition to navigating are you also setting the course direction? In your pause are you giving yourself choice? Are you directing some of your time and energy to what actually lights you up and gives your life deeper meaning? Or are you stuck in a holding pattern where you never make time for yourself, where time becomes a vacuum that is filled by others?

It’s not always easy but remember that you do get to decide.

And when it’s challenging you can consider getting a co-pilot.

A case study

One of my clients, with whom I’ve worked for several years, has had lots of life wash over her. Health, career, family “stuff” that could have easily knocked her off her path permanently. Remember how that water carves its own way?

But in spite of all that was going on, with my help, she was able to maintain perspective, take what were sometimes miniscule steps forward, and sometimes take a break from the journey and take care of what needed care. It was a pause; not the end. It was conscious and deliberate.

A serious injury laid her low for a while. She experienced a lot of pain. However, as her coaching journey was leading her toward healing modalities, she was able to consider how her particular situation could benefit her work with others. Her intuition had been honed in our work together and she knew that this was grist for her particular mill. It didn’t take the pain away, but it gave it some purpose.

I was able to help her with that. I was able to help her with the decision to step back, even to stop coaching for a while, to regroup, be sad where she needed to be sad, hurt where she needed to hurt and to provide a safe container for her to come back to and resume her journey. And what a journey it has been!

Your own experience

But you don’t need to just take my word for it. Or rely completely on someone else’s experience either. Experience it yourself. Explore how it feels to begin to take a new approach to the stream of life.

Contact me for a discovery call. What’s calling to you from deep within? What have you left behind in a busy life? What’s getting in the way? Discover how our work together will make a difference.

(Here’s a little short read on growing old that calls up this age old metaphor of life as a river.)

Tracking Time

Recently, I started tracking my time. I was inspired by a comment on a recent call with my coach, Isabel Parlett. It got me curious. Where does my day go? Am I living the Multidimensional Life I want to be living where those things that are important get the same attention as the urgent? Where there is some space in my day to breathe or think, or do both at the same time.

Whoa! This little experiment immediately snapped my head back into a mindset that had whips cracking and deadlines breathing down my neck. That is a familiar and, unfortunately, comfortable mindset. It’s a perfect illustration of a hamster wheel that resides in a very deep groove in my head and into which I can easily fall. It was constrictive. I’d rather my time be expansive.

I’ve done this type of exercise before: while I was still working in corporate, when I first left and started my business.

It never felt good. I don’t respond well to whips and things breathing down my neck.

But…

This time was different.

I woke up from the wheel induced coma much quicker.

I paused to evaluate the results of this tracking.

I observed what got done and what didn’t.

I wasn’t thrilled with what I found.

Granted, I got a lot of tasks done. Work tasks, household tasks, personal tasks.

But do you see what was happening? Everything became a task. Just the word task has a certain crackling quality to it. It’s not onomatopoetic (you have to love that word!) but it may as well have been, because it sounded just like a bullwhip snapping close to my ear.

Important vs. Urgent

There was no space woven into my day. It was a race to the finish so that tangible results could be documented. List items could be checked off. I could hear the “good girl, Kathy” in the back of my head.

No! No! No! Get off the hamster wheel!!

Here’s what I know about life off the hamster wheel:

We can still be productive.
Thinking and dreaming are essential to a full and fulfilling life.
Hard, tangible lists can be replaced with curiosity and creativity.
The cracking whip can be replaced with an inner GPS check.
We can get the urgent done while leaving space for the important.

The important is what is woven into a Multidimensional Life, what gives it its dimension and sparkle. It should be given the same priority as the urgent.

Actually, it should be given a higher priority so we’re sure to get to it.

The intangibles

Because often the urgent is easier than the important. That’s an interesting phenomenon, isn’t it? The edges of urgent are easily defined.

Set up a landing page for an offering? Easy. Yes, there are some tech challenges but there will be steps to follow. We figure it out.

Other things are not quite as simple. Get to the next chapter of my book. Ooh, now we’re in the amorphous world of “I don’t know what happens next.” Adding more movement/exercise to my day – also important. Not always simple steps to follow if I want to keep and loose and intuitive.

What’s important to you? What might your day feel like? Is there a creative project or a refresh of your day-to-day rhythms called for? What about noodling about a new business or retirement? There’s no real template so it’s hit or miss. It’s curiosity and practice. It’s not knowing and trusting.

It’s never an end result like an urgent task that has a starting and ending point and can be given a neat little check box that you tick off.

But it’s so very important.

The thrill of the process

It’s a process, a journey and guess what? That is where the good stuff is. That’s the juice, the thrill, the joy.

It’s messy and complicated and simple and fun all at the same time.

I know. This is what I am reminded of when I come out of my hamster wheel induced coma and remember what’s important.

That next chapter of the book. The garden dreams. My business. My clients. What I’m doing at this very moment.

Does this whet your appetite for your own Multidimensional Life? I hope so. I hope it gives you a yearning for what could be. That sensation of “I can taste it but I can’t put my finger on it…yet”. This is where I shine in helping you shine. Are you being called to do the work you’re called to do?

The other stuff will get done. This is the Multidimensional Life we all crave. And deserve.

I’d love to talk to you about getting you off your hamster wheel and into your Multidimensional Life. Click here to book a consult with me.

Hamster wheels, Merry-go-Rounds and Sisyphus

Photo by Todd Turner on Unsplash

What do hamster wheels, merry-go-rounds and Sisyphus have to do with each other? Simply put, they provoke and exemplify stress and overwhelm.

So many successful, professional women spend their lives on a hamster wheel. It’s a constant push, always focused on getting things done and accomplishing things.

Or their lives are a merry-go-round. With that incessant music – someone else’s music – insinuating its way into our veins, taking over our natural rhythms.

We are like Sisyphus, pushing the rock up, struggling, paying for sins long forgotten. Perhaps just the sin of gender and the need to prove ourselves. The need to try harder.

Enter stress and overwhelm.

Sisyphus dared to fiddle with the plans of the gods. He was punished with a job that will never be done. Is that you?

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

(Opening lines from Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese)

Here’s the truth.

You are already good. You can stand tall in that. And you will go on being good: at what you do, at who you are, at what you stand for. Stop wasting your energy trying to prove it. Come out of the desert into the cool green glade of your essence.

What I know is that when we try so hard to be all and do all, when we struggle, all we see is the struggle. All we see is the rock teetering above us and we lose sight of why we’re pushing. And, at the same time, we teach others to let us do the heavy lifting.

When we struggle, we get exhausted and those pieces of ourselves that renew and restore get lost. We don’t have time to do the things that make us a multidimensional human. For me, well, who had time to meditate, journal, play with watercolors. The garden was on the list but at the bottom. If I were to invite a friend out for a walk…wait, what friend? Most of my friends were really acquaintances or work colleagues. Ten-hour work days plus a long commute left no energy to meet new people, volunteer, join an organization that aligned with who I am and who I want to be.

I had let go of who I was and tried to become what the world thought I should be. Is that you?

Here’s another truth.

You can climb the ladder of success without a boulder on the rung above you. You can let loose your creativity in your business, your home, your interactions with the bigger world. And it can be joyful and satisfying and meaningful. It can be a model for the women who are coming up behind you. Because you do not have to sacrifice your whole self to attain this. I am still learning this; unraveling years of habitual, reactive behavior.

You can stay moored in the depths and riches of who you are at your core. You can choose how to spend this precious commodity that is your time. You know there is so much more to you and your life. Are you willing to explore and flow with it?

Yes, you can be anchored and flowing.

Let the world get to know the real you. You don’t have to push. You do not have to walk on your knees. There is nothing to repent.

Wondering how to step off the merry-go-round? Contact me for a complimentary discovery call. I’ve been there and I can help.

My Wish for You in Your Second Half of Life

Photo by Coley Christine on Unsplash

From one woman to another, this is my wish for you in our second half of life.

My wish is that you feel like you’re moving toward something meaningful and exciting, not just toward the end.

My hope is that this can be a different type of building phase, unlike the building you did in your first half.

If I could wave a magic wand, this time would be inner driven.

Returning to the essential you

You’ve followed the outward driven path – family, career, the hopes and expectations of others. You’ve cared, cleaned, cooked; worked in and outside of the home. You’ve worked for wages; you’ve worked for causes. You always do what needs to be done.

Now it’s time to return to the essence of who you are and why you’re here. It’s time to uncover your creative spirit and unfurl your Multidimensional Life. And by a Multidimensional Life I mean uncovering the inner pieces of you that got buried in the day-to-day busyness and to-do lists.

And, yes, I know you’re a responsible, efficient woman and that uncovering your Multidimensional Life won’t be to the exclusion of family, friends and obligations. But wouldn’t it feel great to add in – even if only in small steps – those things that make your heart sing?

Where to start?

One small step to start you off could be pursuing an interest left behind in the busy first half of life.

Like the woman who knew she didn’t want to – couldn’t – continue the career she’d had for decades. One day she stepped outside her house, looked up at the sky and said, “So, tell me world, what do I do now!” The answer popped into her head to take out her camera and start taking pictures. She had gotten into this when she was in high school and college, even developing her own pictures. But she left it behind in the career and family hustle and while she took great photos of her kids and vacations, she never considered herself a “photographer”.

Now she began to experiment, take classes, play with images. Maybe she could put up a website and start by taking professional head shot photos for business people because she knew that world. In small steps she moved ahead, finding her likes and preferences in subjects and finding the best places to have prints made. She began to soften to the idea that maybe she was a “photographer”.

She’s not sure where this will lead and has let herself be okay with not knowing. She is getting comfortable with the unknown. She is living in the creative process of unfurling layers of her Multidimensional Life, a path that’s misty but full of adventure. At the same time, she continues to consult in her old industry. So, there’s the practical and efficient coexisting with a dream.

What happens when you start?

Returning to those old interests brings out “tribes” of fellow travelers that you didn’t know were there. They, in turn, enrich and expand your world. They are chosen, not thrust upon you.

What I wish for you is a MD life that expands you to the limit that is perfect for you and just a toe length more. Because as it expands, it increases its ability to expand.

If this is what you wish for yourself but feel like you have no time for it or that time spent on yourself is selfish, carve out 30 minutes and contact me for a chat. Put yourself to the top of your checklist.

The Work of Art That is You

Photo by Amaury Salas on Unsplash

I recently put out a survey on the joys and challenges of the Second Half of Life. (If you’d like to take it, click here. It’s only 4 questions and takes less than 3 minutes.) The responses led me to contemplate, once again, how our lives are works of art.

We are alike and yet different

Out of 40+ responses, several common themes emerged. And, in spite of the commonalities, I loved seeing how the ways they showed up were unique to the individual. For instance, where many responded that freedom was one of the joys they are experiencing, what they’re doing with that freedom differs. For some it was the freedom to set their own schedule, for others the freedom to change. There was freedom of choice and freedom to pursue hobbies. Does freedom resonate with you? It sure does with me. More than resonate, it starts the bells pealing in my belfry!

Frustrations and challenges

Frustrations included worry about money, the experience of no longer being seen, a shortening time horizon or the “loss of me along the way.” That last one particularly makes my heart ache. I understand it so well.

And then there are challenges. Procrastination showed up (although that isn’t unique just to midlife.) Health and fitness, need for structure, the difficulties of beginning to plan for the second half while still engaged in her career – what I call traveling the two-lane road. (Kudos to the respondent who was smart enough to take on that challenge!)

Perhaps I’m a little further along in my journey (that sounds so much nicer than “older”, doesn’t it?) but here’s what those extra miles have shown me: Life is a beautifully messy creative process and each of us will experience our own unique route.

Choosing how we move through our second half of life

When you choose to view your second half of life in this way it becomes an adventure. It gets easier. Injecting some playfulness can make it fun. It becomes a time of curiosity and anticipation instead of dreariness and dread. And the hard parts, while certainly not pleasant, can also benefit from this approach when you use your awareness to focus on what’s working, sources of help, the need – and permission – for self-care, even if only in very small pockets of time.

What’s beautiful about this is that we gradually find that we don’t need to know how it’s all supposed to work out. We don’t need all the answers at once or a crystal-clear view of the future. It is very freeing. We only need to take our next small step and take our eyes off the rear-view mirror.

That rear-view mirror syndrome was prevalent in a lot of the survey responses. Along with the regret that usually accompanies it. I, too, find myself transfixed by that view. I wish I’d done some things differently; I re-enact a hurtful situation so I can come up the winner; I recreate old shames and embarrassments. Notice what’s missing here? I usually forget to revisit the wins and the joys. And the reality is that spending time looking back does me absolutely no good. Can I change the past? No. Can I learn from it? Probably, if I haven’t already. Do I need to hang out there? No. Just turn your gaze around.

Does any of this feel familiar?

Good. Awareness is the first step in any process of change or creation. It clears the mist and shows us our truth. We experience our moment. The good stuff and the not-so-good.

For instance, where are you feeling joy? What’s the essence of that feeling? Where else is it happening that you’re not noticing on a conscious level? What we focus on expands.

What would happen if you sat down with that frustration? Try bringing it to your journal page – without judgement? I find that when something feels defeating or like too much of a challenge and I look it in the eye, it begins to dissipate. Other solutions come up. I’m able to see it in a totally different light.

Your creative process

The creative process that produces paintings, symphonies, books, gardens and so much more also works in life. Reframing, thinking differently, adding play and self-care are part of the process. The decision to wean yourself from perfectionism and procrastination, to let it all be beautifully messy, to embrace Kaizen’s small steps and questions elevates it. All of this that conceives and manifests so much that is good and beautiful in the world – all of this is what makes a life of meaning and purpose, a legacy of being, a view at the end that has no regrets.

And midlife is the perfect time to dive right in and uncover this masterpiece, your Multidimensional Life!

Let’s Go Deeper and Wider

“These times.” Everyone is writing and talking about “these times”. For the most part that’s a good thing. As a writing workshop leader and as a coach I know that writing and talking about it enables us to process it, make sense of it – if there’s sense to be made, and to integrate it into our consciousness in ways that help us cope. It helps us dip below the surface of the everyday and go deeper and wider into our truth. I saw that in our April Writers Circle as the women said that they didn’t want to just write about Covid-19 and yet it still snuck into the writing. Not as the main event, more of a bit player. And that was okay.

And as we talk, read and write about “these times”, we’ve woken up, become more conscious of how we spend our time and aware of the habits that have been disrupted. Many people are questioning their old status quo, rethinking careers, wondering what life will be like and who we’ll be when we emerge from “these times.”

In the midst of all this, I want to remind you that you are so much more than your habits and status quo, so much more than what you do every day. You have depths unplumbed.

Even in normal times

I get to remind women of this while I work with them in their second half of life as they get curious about what else life has to offer. They often feel stuck, having a hard time seeing outside the rut that a busy life has created. When they finally pick up their heads, they’re not always thrilled with what they see. Even in normal times.

I hear them express dissatisfaction with their personal status quo. They tell me how unhappy they are in their job. They wish there was a different career they could transition into. It’s often difficult to see past what they’ve done for the last 25-30 years. They sigh and say “I wish there were something else I knew I could do.”

Wishing and sighing. A true sign of stuckness. But I promise you it is possible to get un-stuck.

Adding life to retirement planning

A few months ago, at a party, I was chatting with a few people from my old world of financial services. They asked what I was up to and when I told them of my mission to help women uncover a Multidimensional Life in their second half, they nodded. “That is so needed these days,” they said. They, the financial advisors, reflected on how retirement planning should be about more than the money.

I smiled because I’d already discovered that. Now, I’m not minimizing the importance of financial planning. Not at all. However, the question of who you are, where you are and whether that still fits goes much deeper and is just as critical.

Deeper and wider

The question for you to consider is whether you want to uncover a life that is deep and wide or do you want to stay on the surface and coast. The choice is yours to make at any point of your life.

But do it sooner rather than later. Because there is so much more of you to uncover and offer to the world.

Where are you in this journey into midlife and beyond? How have “these times” shifted your thinking about your life and your possibilities in it? Are you one of the women who, after reading this, raises her hand and says “That’s me!”

If any of the above resonates with you, let’s start a conversation to explore how working together can propel you into a stage of life you haven’t imagined.

You don’t have to know your destination; you only have to take the first step toward it. You don’t have to turn your world upside down; you only need to change your view point. It doesn’t have to be hard and fraught with sweat and tears; it can be joyful and exciting.

This is what I do with my clients. We reframe the wistful and craft the small questions that get you started. We begin to unfurl the layers of your Multidimensional Life. We begin the journey of returning to the essence of who you are and why you’re here. Together. Because there’s power in plus one.

Contact me for a 30-minute discovery call and begin to see how much more there is to you than what you do every day. Even during “these days”.

Writing Unfurls Your Multidimensional Life

Original art by Donna Mills at Donna Mills Art

I love to read. My family tells me I was reading before kindergarten. Maybe. Or maybe I had memorized favorite stories and could recite them with the book in front of me. Regardless, I fell in love with story. Who knew how this would lead me to my Multidimensional Life!

I vividly remember getting my first library card. Graduating to the clean hands club at the library was a moment of pride. I played library with my friends. Oh, how I wanted a pencil with a date stamp on the eraser end!!

As I grew older, my school essays got me good grades. I wrote the memos and procedure manuals at work, a newsletter for a family business. But I didn’t call myself a “writer”.

From reading to writing

Then twenty something years ago I began doing morning pages a la Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way. Stream of consciousness, free writing first thing in the morning. She prescribes three pages and I know the value of powering through to that third page. But if I can only do one page, that’s okay, too.

Doing this taught me that a writing practice was about more than just story. It showed me the connection between the hand and the page. It led me to places I know I wouldn’t have found without the writing.

It also led me to creative writing and to the desire to immerse myself deeper in the writing process.

But that’s my journey. That’s one of the layers of my Multidimensional Life. Reading to writing was my personal thread.

The power of words

The act of setting words to the page is a powerful tool whether creating story or crafting your own Multidimensional Life. You don’t have to think of yourself as a “writer” if that puts pressure on you. Just know that whatever reason you have for putting pen to page it will be a tool of discovery.

When you begin to write using this approach, life’s chaff falls away. Personal threads become visible. The shoulds reveals themselves as what they are, desire floats up from the depths. Writing does this. At the same time, insight emerges and your inner voice will start suggesting arguments pro and con for what is emerging. And that’s okay.

I can tell you that even as I write this, I hear my angels and demons bickering. But I forge ahead because when I do, my truth – the one that is simple and quiet – stands firm in the skirmish. I can see her and move toward her.

What does all that mean in less lofty terms?

It means that while the act of writing illuminates your truth, it will also bring up an array of emotions. (In story as well as self-discovery.) That’s part of its power. For instance, you might hear “I really want to move away” and that evokes a “but…” When you see the “but” in black and white you can consider it. It could be relevant or it could be the ego trying to protect you from new adventures. You know that gremlin, don’t you? The one decked out with big lights and sirens. Fear?

Write it all down anyway.

Get started

Buy a 50-cent notebook and start free writing. If one or three pages is too much, start small with a few lines. Keep going if you have time. Jot down small questions that come up and listen for the answers that follow. Don’t force anything; stay open. Keep writing it all down and let it move you forward.

Does “I want to move away” dissolve into an unhappiness with work or a lack of fulfilling relationships so that the greener pasture beckons?

That could lead to questions like: What’s working for me where I am now? What else might work? What do I love about my home, neighborhood, town, city? What would I be giving up by leaving? What would I gain?

It’s a process of refining the question, sifting through the answers, formulating more questions, weighing choices. Because there are always choices. It’s editing!

Writing helps you make the choice rather than do nothing. Doing nothing is also a choice. But it’s a passive choice and not very satisfying.

I have experienced this myself many times and expect that I will continue to do so. It fueled my decision to continue my coaching practice, to reach out to others to create a new group of friends. It helped me get realistic about what I can and can’t/will and won’t do in my garden – big dreams vs. real resources and energy. Decisions big and small. Dinner choices as I journal before breakfast; considering where I’ll have time for movement in my day and what might I do? The decision to embark on writing a novel. Big and small, the questions and answers that show up on my page all go toward the feeding and tending of my Multidimensional Life.

An Invitation:

Join me in a writing circle and we’ll write together. Whether you want to try your hand at creative writing, explore your personal voice, reflect on life in memoir or take your first steps into your Multidimensional Life, it will be the path to a richer, fuller version of you. Discover the vein of gold inside you!

You are More Than What You Do

original art by June Shatken at juneshatken.com

“So, what do you do?” someone asks when they meet you.

That’s certainly easier than asking “Who are you?” Less threatening, less intrusive. And this is how we pigeon hole each other. An unconscious categorization. We get assigned a Dewey Decimal System number and get filed into the card catalog. We create categories for our work, profession, industry, the things we do for a living. Oh, okay, so now I know who you are.

What are you missing out on?

We often do the same thing with ourselves. But, when we identify ourselves as what we do, we begin to believe that that’s all there is to us. We lose sight of the layers of wonder that are just below the surface. Our essential, multidimensional selves cry to come out. We miss out on a whole lot of awesome

I know this to be true because I have experienced it myself. My Dewey Decimal System number fell in the category of fiction because what I did was truly not who I was.

This knowledge, this truth, led me to create a Multidimensional Life I could never have imaged had I continued with the fictional version of myself.

Oh, and another caveat: You may not always do this thing that has defined you for so long. What will happen then? You will feel lost.

You are so much more than what you do every day.

So, who are you beyond what you do?

But this little loaded question is everywhere.

One example: turn on Jeopardy and you will be introduced to the contestants with “Jane, a blah, blah, blah from anywhere, USA.

Now it’s not that I don’t’ care how Jane spends her time, but I know that she, too, is so much more than that. I wonder who she is.

So, who are you?

Questions to ponder

What makes you laugh so hard you snort diet coke out your nose?
Who makes you do that?
What makes your eyes well up?
What color are those eyes? Who had them before you?
What is a mannerism that is so you? Or do you see someone else in it?
Who do you love? What is it about them that you love the most?
What do you love? Why?
What brings you delight? What does that delight feel like?
What do you dread? Why?
What do you avoid? Why?
What route do you take each day to get home? Why?
What do you have for breakfast each day? Why?
What is a favorite book/move from childhood?
If you could time-travel, where would you go?

A challenge:

Buy a notebook – the wide ruled, not the college ruled. The college ruled is too tight and a little intimidating.
Put these questions in the notebook. Add more of your own as they come to you.
Put the notebook in your cabinet with the coffee or tea. Or with your cereal or in the fruit bowl. Put it anywhere you will be guaranteed to visit each morning.
Each morning (or most mornings), pick a question. Jot a few answers to a question, maybe just a few words. That’s all. If you’re inspired to go further, that’s fine. But you only need a few lines to get the thinking engine started.

Leave a comment below and let me know how you do with this challenge. Or contact me to explore taking this process further.

What you’re doing is beginning a blueprint of the multidimensional person you are.

Because, you are so very much more than what you do each day.

Ideas, Dreams and Threads (Pamela)

February 18, 2020
Threads of Life
1 Comment

She was fresh out of college, full of ideas and dreams. Pamela didn’t have a specific career in mind. She had majored in Liberal Arts, studied Spanish and comparative literature and later taken English as a Second Language (ESL) courses.

While in school she had the opportunity to spend a summer in Spain and France. She got to immerse herself in the local culture and observed how she really enjoyed the mundane everyday bits of life, like going to the market. She found it and liked the challenge. It took her beyond being a tourist and allowed her to be a local, to sop up real life.

Her someday dream was to live overseas. But, in the meantime, like most of us, she needed a day job.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” *

Pamela started at one of the Bell companies in sales. They had an international presence and she thought that might be an avenue to get overseas. This was part of her “someday” dream.

She also got married and had a daughter. The young family had a five-year plan, but, as so often happens, life took over.

And, as women are wont to do, she made compromises. She adapted.

A successful woman

In retrospect, Pam readily acknowledges that she had a great career. She is a smart and savvy woman. Not surprisingly, her favorite role was one in which she needed to become an expert in import/export regulations and procedures. It gave her the opportunity to learn international law. She had to deal with international trade across multiple countries. And, yes, she got to travel.

But, the more successful she became, the less freedom she had. It gradually ebbed away and she became a workaholic. There was a time when she was able to work from home and that helped bring some balance into life. But that didn’t last. It became increasingly apparent that work was beginning to interfere with life.

Sometimes that realization comes as a gradual awakening; other times it’s a whack on the side of the head. Either way, it gets our attention. If we are awake and paying attention, solutions present themselves.

Now what??

Like many large companies and retirement eligibility, Pam’s had certain formulas in place that took into consideration age and length of service. At the same time, a favorable interest rate environment presented Pam with an attractive pension opportunity. The decision to retire was a quick one. She grabbed it.

However, she was not mentally prepared. After all, “how does one go from a 24/7 work environment, fast paced, “married to my job”, high energy to retirement”? Now what, she wondered.

Old ways of being are carved deep on our souls and Pam was faced with a new challenge. Learning how to learn to relax battled against the habit of being busy. She grappled with the shock of going from an intense work/social environment to nothing. She certainly knew how to fill her time – three book clubs, the YMCA three days a week, some classes. Loading her calendar was a familiar – and comfortable – pattern.

Listening to her heart

It took a long time to find a level of satisfaction. Eventually, Pam was able to articulate what she wanted:

A good ongoing volunteer opportunity
Someone to play with
Places that contributed to health, relaxation, exercise and socialization

Oh, remember back to Pam’s college days? ESL? And about solutions presenting themselves when we’re paying attention? One day a friend suggested she look into Literary Volunteers of Morris County. It piqued her interest and she went a little further.

She followed her intuition; heeded her natural creative process. She volunteered and organized a conversation class. She got to select news articles and themes to discuss. She researched and presented cultural and historical subjects. Election day inspired a class on the American election process. She used other current events and “mundane” everyday things to stimulate conversation. There was a group that met for lunch, sharing the cuisine of their native country.

In the process, Pam got to enhance her own learning, have cross cultural exchanges, play and socialize while immersing herself in international flavors and staying close to home.

The Thread

And there was the thread that connected to her young dreams.

In the beginning, Pam never envisioned a corporate career. Her interests were language, literature, intellectual stimulation, cross cultural experiences.

In the end, she found fulfillment and enrichment and intellectual stimulation through LVMC students in and outside the classroom, socializing at lunch, developing close familial connections, all the pieces of everyday cross-cultural, mundane life that had intrigued her.

Finding the thread of yearning in your life and figuring out how it can be fulfilled today is part of the work I do when I work with clients to create their Multidimensional lives. It could be a second (or third) career. It can be volunteer work or just rediscovering an old passion. It is recovering old dreams or finding new ones and living from the inside out.

* Various attributions – John Lennon, Allen Saunders, Earl Wilson. Regardless, it’s a great sentiment!

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