skip to Main Content

A Messy, Complicated, Sweet Life

Tapestry With Messy Edges
Section of tapestry by June Shatken

Life is messy and complicated. This year, last year, next year. Whether we’re young or old. It can be quite messy. Period. And it seems especially so as we travel through the second half. When I speak and write about creating a Multidimensional Life, I am not ignoring this fact.

Rather, what I am striving to convey is that you can live a sweet Multidimensional Life in spite of all this. You can take a minute to remember what is most important to you – important at your very core – and include it in your life. You can weave it in even if only in small moments in the face of the world around you. When you do you create a rich, meaningful and creative life while operating from a grounded place that encompasses the good with the bad, the sweet with the hard, the beautiful and the not so beautiful. Because, again, life can be messy and complicated.

Remembering and Recommitting

So, this is not about trying to create and maintain an Instagram life; it’s about being yourself. It’s about living in the contrast of the sweet and the hard and finding balance. When you embrace this, you let go of perfection and fall in love with “good enough”. You’re able to appreciate those incremental moments and build on them.  Because you are on a foundation of “real”, you avoid collapsing into a rut or a crisis.

Probably one of my biggest and most important life lessons was learning how easy it is to get lost in a busy, crazy, messy and noisy world. For a long time, I didn’t realize I was lost. Being whip-sawed just felt normal. Once I became aware, however, the next question was what to do about it.

What I learned was to Pause, to take a breath (literally), center myself and remember what is most important. To take a step back and remember what I’m here for. While there’s certainly an element of mindfulness in this, I believe it more about remembering and recommitting to who I am at my essence. (Here’s an interesting article that expands the idea of pausing into the current world environment and reaffirms the value of the Pause.)

Waking up and pausing creates the loom of life

You become the shuttle weaving the threads of meaning, attention, action, joy, value, delight, honesty, authenticity. The warp and the weft.  All those things that go into creating the fabric of your Multidimensional Life.

This day, week, year will have its challenges. So, how do you keep yourself intact while maintaining your Multidimensional Life, even if just for a moment?

First, what is it you yearn for? What are you here for in this beautiful messy life? Once you know, look at what gets in the way. Determine just one small action or thought to take you in the direction of that yearning. That small thought or action creates a ripple effect. It initiates change that, in turn, will beget more change and, in the process, illuminate parts of the dream that weren’t clear before.

If life is too busy, think short bursts. Take a 10-minute walk. Make a call – personal or business. Just one. Check just one item off the list. Meditate or sit and look out the window for 5 minutes. Small success moments mean a lot.

Where we start when we work together

  1. Imagine you have a magic wand. Wave it over your life and recognize your dream. What do you see?
  2. Choose just one element.
  3. Ask yourself what is one small action you can take toward that goal.
  4. Celebrate every small success

Don’t be fooled by its simplicity. These steps build momentum over time. They also allow for course corrections where needed. They will be needed and that’s actually the fun part.

What changes

Instead of being in a rut, you will have fluidity in your life and be able to navigate the messiness.

Instead of being drowned out by the noise, you’ll be able to hear your thoughts telling you what is most important to you, what has meaning, value, purpose, joy.

You will be liberated to make more daring choices; possibilities will show up. You won’t get mired in woeful wishing.

The real you will emerge from your heart center and surprise and delight you with her wit and wisdom. (She’s an old soul traveling with you from long before you were here.)

She will guide you through the mess and the complications with grace and humor.

She’ll turn down the noise, calm the craziness and show you the way to cultivate your best Multidimensional life.

Contact me to set up a discovery call and talk about how this process would look for you.

It’s time. Let’s get started.

Reflect on Your Mortality

Coffee Mug With Begin
Image by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

Reflect on your mortality. Not exactly an uplifting opening line or prospect. However, on further consideration you may come to agree that it is actually a necessary and positive exercise. It can infuse a healthy sense of urgency and allow for possibilities not previously considered!

A Health, Wellness & Fitness magazine appeared in my mailbox recently. One cover article promised “44 Health, Wellness & Fitness Tips”. I’m a sucker for these. I know many of them so I enjoy making a righteous mental tick mark.  Others are new ideas or good reminders. But the suggestion to reflect on my mortality stopped me.

After all, on an average day how often do you think about your mortality? Usually, especially in these strange times, we are encouraged to focus on the positives. Look for things to appreciate. I recently offered a 5-day Savor challenge with the idea being that stopping to savor something leads to gratitude.

And I still believe gratitude and positivity is valuable.

So, when I saw “reflect on your mortality” as a wellness tip … I paused.

Small but life changing advice

At first blush it seemed quite grim. Morose. Sad, even. But I stayed with it for a bit. I read the whole paragraph and came away with a fuller understanding of what the author was trying to convey.

It wasn’t saying my time was nigh. It was reminding me that we are mortal beings. Not eternal. Our time here is finite. Not infinite.

If you took that to heart, what would you do differently? Right now? It could be life changing.

Memento Mori

Now, I know that you don’t go through life thinking that you’ll live forever. Hopefully you’ve done your estate planning and have your end of life wishes articulated. But you certainly don’t ruminate over your final days. If you think about it at all it’s to wish or pray that you won’t suffer, or that loved ones won’t suffer.

But we all come with an expiration date. And there’s no convenient stamp on us to tell us when that time is.

And, again, this wellness tip wasn’t asking that we reflect on our date of death. The message was  “Memento mori” – “remember that you will die.” One day it will be too late.

Before it’s too late

There’s a quote that I always associate with Wayne Dyer: “Don’t die with your music still in you.”

It’s a beautiful metaphor for the gifts inside you waiting to be shared. It’s also another reminder to not wait until it’s too late. To start now even if with tiny steps. To start now even if the song is not clear in your head, even if the melody is sketchy and the theme not fully formed.

The music doesn’t have to be elaborate. Simplicity can be just as eloquent. You also don’t have to think in terms of the grand gesture. Start small. Here’s a story of someone who followed a thread in her life, got involved in a local organization and enriched her life while making a difference in the lives of others. Her music is out in the world.

In her blog post “5 Regrets of the Dying”, Bronnie Ware writes about the misgivings many of her palliative care patients expressed as they neared the end. It’s poignant and a great lesson. How wonderful it would feel to live with no regrets.

A final example, my husband’s friend who had many health challenges in his later years. Even though it might have helped, he resisted the physical therapy that was recommended. At the end he asked his son if it was too late to try. Of course, it was. The grief of what could have been is deep.

I’m challenging you to pause and think about this. And then ask yourself what you’d do differently in this moment. Right now? In the juicy bit of the present. Before you rush on to the next task, appointment, social media post, Instagram photo, text message?

What would I do differently?

I would be bolder in inviting you into a conversation about how our working together would help you create and live a second half of life that is rich and meaningful and in touch with the music that’s inside you.

I would be more direct in telling you that it’s not too late to be or do something you’ve put off, to make more daring and unexpected choices in how you spend your day, to make meaningful life changes.

I would urge you to shake off the status quo and live unapologetically. Now.

I would show you the container and the tools to unfold your Multidimensional Life that’s as necessary and vital as all the things you do for your health.

I’m urging you to do this now. Contact me to get started.

Staying centered and sane

Even in the midst of life’s challenges and disappointments and hardships this is possible. I have found during my own hard times that taking time for those things that make me come alive is what gets me through. Taking 20 minutes for a walk with a friend. Talking on the phone with my writing buddy, puttering in the garden for 30 minutes, savoring my morning Barry’s tea even if the rest of the day is going to be consumed by the urgent. I have learned that even small moments of the important make all the difference. They keep me connected to the layers of my Multidimensional Life. That keeps me centered and sane.

Reflect on your mortality. You don’t have forever so start now! Now in what might be the middle or the final quarter of your life. Start now because you’re not dead yet. And, of course, once you are…well, it is just too damn late!

 

Leaves in the stream of life

Leaves In A Stream
photo by Jeffrey Eisen on Unsplash

Life is often compared to a river, a current that carries us along. We become leaves in a stream.

There’s no stopping time, no stopping the current. Just like water life will always find ways to move forward.

And as time marches on we begin to feel that we can’t do anything about it its passage. And that’s true. We can do nothing about its passing. But it’s not the forward movement that’s the problem. It’s the direction. Your direction.

It’s not the fact that it flows. It’s the direction of that flow.

I have a water run-off problem in my yard. It’s eroded the soil, left bare patches in the lawn and debris from the road, the driveway and the eroded ground is scattered all over.

I live on the downside of the mountain. The water will come. My focus is now on directing it where I want it. Rain garden, anyone? (And, as the garden is an essential part of my Multidimensional Life, I am being true to myself when I give it my attention.)

So, as in the metaphor above, life is just like that water. It happens. It flows. It carries life’s debris and if left to its own devices can erode our very beings. But consider this: you get to decide where it takes you even if it’s merely the way you choose to frame it. You get to take a pause, maybe grab onto an overhanging branch, take a breath and consider where you go from there.

The flow of your life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Life will happen. We can’t control everything. But take a moment now and think about what you can control. Make a decision on what direction the flow of your life will take you. Whether the current of time will carry you along like a leaf in a stream

Will you be swept away? Or at the helm and navigating?

Will you succumb to a torrent of emotion or step back and, once again, pause?

But go beyond just “managing”.  In addition to navigating are you also setting the course direction? In your pause are you giving yourself choice? Are you directing some of your time and energy to what actually lights you up and gives your life deeper meaning? Or are you stuck in a holding pattern where you never make time for yourself, where time becomes a vacuum that is filled by others?

It’s not always easy but remember that you do get to decide.

And when it’s challenging you can consider getting a co-pilot.

A case study

One of my clients, with whom I’ve worked for several years, has had lots of life wash over her. Health, career, family “stuff” that could have easily knocked her off her path permanently. Remember how that water carves its own way?

But in spite of all that was going on, with my help, she was able to maintain perspective, take what were sometimes miniscule steps forward, and sometimes take a break from the journey and take care of what needed care. It was a pause; not the end. It was conscious and deliberate.

A serious injury laid her low for a while. She experienced a lot of pain. However, as her coaching journey was leading her toward healing modalities, she was able to consider how her particular situation could benefit her work with others. Her intuition had been honed in our work together and she knew that this was grist for her particular mill. It didn’t take the pain away, but it gave it some purpose.

I was able to help her with that. I was able to help her with the decision to step back, even to stop coaching for a while, to regroup, be sad where she needed to be sad, hurt where she needed to hurt and to provide a safe container for her to come back to and resume her journey. And what a journey it has been!

Your own experience

But you don’t need to just take my word for it. Or rely completely on someone else’s experience either. Experience it yourself. Explore how it feels to begin to take a new approach to the stream of life.

Contact me for a discovery call. What’s calling to you from deep within? What have you left behind in a busy life? What’s getting in the way? Discover how our work together will make a difference.

(Here’s a little short read on growing old that calls up this age old metaphor of life as a river.)

Midlife Awakening

Freedom
Image by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash

It’s been my experience and observation that we spend early to mid-adulthood, our Second Age, on auto-pilot. We charge through our days getting lots of “stuff” done. We compartmentalize life, schedule our pleasures and squeeze in downtime. It’s a race to the end of each day. But once you arrive at midlife? Ah, now it’s your time, a for awakening.

I’ve written about the Third Age, a theory Peter Laslett offered in his book, A Fresh Map of Life: The emergence of the Third Age. Today I want to talk a bit about that Second Age.

Just to refresh:  In our first age, he says, we are dependent. We are still immature; we may be students. The second age is the time for independence, maturity, working. The third age is an era for personal achievement and fulfillment, and the fourth age is a final dependence, infirmity and death.

The Second Age

The Second Age is a building time. Typically, we are absorbed in developing careers, making a good living, rearing families. Often, we are taking care of older generations. It is an outwardly focused time. And, let’s be honest, there’s a little bit of keeping up with the Joneses. We’re running on the schedule of Alice in Wonderland’s White Rabbit. “I’m late, I’m late…”

Maybe that’s what has to happen during those years.

No judgment here. I’ve lived it, too.

However, what I know is that we don’t have to continue to embody that story.

Awakening to the Third Age, a Multidimensional Life

What I know is that we can Pause, get our bearings and transition to another path, our Third Age, our Multidimensional Life.

Now, I’m not saying it won’t be scary. There’s a nakedness, a vulnerability in this process and that can be quite uncomfortable.

But, just imagine the enormous relief of awakening in midlife, taking off the bindings of earlier times and feeling free. The sweetness of checking in with your quiet inner voice and heeding her message. Learning that you have options as to what comes next, that you are strong and courageous and that it’s okay to rock the boat as you move forward into uncharted waters.

What I wish for you

I believe that this is essential for a full, rich life. Therefore, this is my work in the world:

To empower brave women like you to feel the liberation that comes from speaking to what is alive and true in you.

To guide you as you step into the life-long experiment of being on your own path, even when that path is not clear, of taking small, steady steps in creating and expressing your truest self.

To remind you that there is always the possibility of growing and transforming, of exploring the options of what comes next, of being open to how everything you need is on the path to finding who you are.

Ultimately, it is the freedom of being your true self that wins the day.

Contact me for a discovery call. Let’s explore how I can help you find that freedom.

A Pause to Savor

A Moment To Savor Life
Image by Radu Florin on Unsplash

Savoring. A deep awareness, an inner mmm.

It is gratitude on a fuller, deeper level that incorporates more of the body and the senses.

By its very nature it produces a Pause, not to mention closed eyes and a smile.

It’s a moment when time slows down and gratitude wells up.

Why Pause and savor?

The benefits of this moment are many.

  • It brings you smack dab into the present moment.
  • It releases stress.
  • It makes you more aware of other things to savor
  • It leads to more gratitude

Savoring is also a wonderful first step to creating a Multidimensional Life. A life in which these moments of savoring are woven into your every day.

Yes, even your busy days. Even days in hamster-wheel-driven lives.

The hamster wheel behind the scenes

While you may not notice this hamster wheel of your life on a conscious level, your unconscious is screaming. And, once you become aware of it, it’s not always possible to just hit the off switch. This frenzied wheel is your normal. You’ve created a habit of cramming as much as you can into your day. You zip from one task or commitment to the next with little thought other than how you’ll get from one to the next. Quite one dimensional.

I know, I’ve been there. And I also know that living at this speed is not sustainable. Something will break, something will be forgotten or discarded or lost. Sometimes that something is you.

You get lost in the minutiae of your day as you try to get it all done. But the hours of the day are finite, so it spills over to the next day. And the stress happily tags along.

Bliss moments

Do you remember the Calgon ads? “Calgon, take me away!” Or the look of a woman in a Dove candy ad eating a chocolate? The bliss, the savoring.

Or the TV ad for the Calm app that invites you to do nothing for 15 seconds. (Does that make you anxious, antsy, a little itchy? Just “being” can be hard while trying to keep the wheel in motion.)

Yes, it’s hard to slow down, shut down, savor “just like that”.  But you can do it slowly, gradually.

What I suggest is weaving in pockets of savoring to start.

Slowing down

Those are your hands on the throttle. You can slow things down for those pockets of savoring. Take a moment now. Imagine your hands grasping the controls. White knuckled. Feel yourself pulling it back, slowing it down. Listen to the whine of the engine get quieter. Feel the vibrations get fainter and fainter. Let it come to a gentle stop. Experience yourself stepping off, pausing and savoring a moment. Whether it’s a moment of quiet, or that Dove chocolate or a piece of music. Maybe your partner or your workmate.

Just a short Pause

While I’m using the analogy of stopping the hamster wheel, savoring is not always the cessation of all activity. It can be a Pause. At least to start.

For instance, you can metaphorically slow down and appreciate your commute, your dinner preparation, weeding your garden. You can temporarily pause at a view, a word, a phrase.

During my last job my commute was all back roads. No highways, just country roads and neighborhoods. One spot was my favorite. It overlooked the Washington Valley and at certain times of the year, the setting sun would be perched atop the tree line. Like the old Kilroy was here graffiti. I didn’t stop the car but I would consciously quiet my monkey mind and appreciate the view. To savor the beauty and amuse myself by personifying the sun as a long-nosed cartoon character peeping over the horizon.

In my Writers Circle we read our freshly written work. And almost every time someone reads, we get stopped by a phrase or a word. We need to pause and savor it. Someone will say “Can you go back and read that sentence again? It was so beautiful.” “I got lost for a moment after that one phrase…” It’s as if we tripped and fell into gorgeous language. It’s a moment of savoring and appreciating.

This is what is missing in a hamster-wheel driven life.

The moments that accumulate and create a different feeling, a multi textured world, where beauty and riches reside. Moments that can be woven into the musts and even the “shoulds”. Moments that can gradually unfurl into hours, days, a life, a Multidimensional Life.

I have a chance for you to practice this starting August 31st in my private Facebook group: Your Big Juicy Multidimensional Life.  Join the group now for more info on what we’ll be doing and how you can participate. 

Are you up for a challenge?

Start awakening to your Big Juicy Multidimensional Life.

Tuning In

Alert Rabbit Tuned In To Surroundings
Image by skeeze from Pixabay

Are you tuned in? To yourself, not the outside world. The outside’s easy. Tuning in to your inner world requires less thinking and more listening but can feel awkward at first. What should be harmonious instead feels clumsy. Tuning in is an essential part of a Multidimensional Life.

Why it’s important

I hold a shared work space with another coach a few times a week. We bring everyone into our virtual space with a guided relaxation that invites them to tune in to what really wants to be done. It gives permission to put down the taskmaster’s switch and dial in to what the inner self wants. For some, it is a meal or their journal or exercise. Maybe a cup of coffee before they start a task, a small step. It brings grace into their day.

Animals and insects are tuned in. What wants and needs to be done is natural to them. They are not multi-tasking or wearing blinders, going full tilt on the highway to the next task. They are quite brilliant.

This comes to me as I sit out on my deck one recent early morning. I notice the cicadas tuning up, practicing the quickening crescendo of their August song, that creaky, ch-ch-ch sound. It sounds like August, I thought. How does nature know? July is waning, the garden is becoming voluptuous. As I tune in to the sounds and smells of high summer, I am awash in emotions both bittersweet and anticipatory. And I stay tuned in to it all, leaning my head back on the rocker and taking it in with all my senses.

How lucky I am to have this experience. I feel gratitude surging. This is an important element of my Multidimensional Life. I will go back into the house and tend to tasks and responsibilities, but I savor this time in the fresh new morning – just me and the birds, bees and cicadas.

Genius of a Pause

The awe at nature’s genius remains with me as I go about my day. Nature just knows what the next step is and when to take it. It doesn’t procrastinate or get side-tracked. It carries on brilliantly.

How do we become genius? How do we tune in to our natural brilliance? It’s all there for the taking once we get off the merry-go-round and Pause. 

A Pause allows us to listen, discern a natural next step, make it small enough to make it easy and then take it.

A Pause is potent because without it the proverbial tail wags the dog. The outside world pushes and pulls. We are unconscious to it, operating by habitual thoughts and actions.

A small example of one of my Pauses

I take medication for a sluggish thyroid. It’s supposed to be taken on an empty stomach so I try to take it first thing in the morning. A few days ago I sat down to breakfast and realized I hadn’t taken it. Oh, I wish I would remember to take it first thing! You know that exasperated tone?

When I paused to listen, I was able to tune in to the feeling under the thought. I was able to hear the chastising way I said that to myself. Taking myself to task was not going to help me remember and it didn’t make me feel good about myself.

I observed a habitual mode of thinking and then was able to make a conscious decision to cut myself some slack. I would never say that to you in that tone of voice. Why do I say it to me that way?

Where are you NOT tuning in?

Again, a very tiny example, but magnify that by the hundreds or thousands of thoughts that flit through our heads and the myriad actions we take each day without thinking. We become automatons living a one dimensional, hamster wheel driven life.

Tuning in doesn’t always require action. It certainly doesn’t require judgement. It requires a small pause, a checking in with our inner guidance and then perhaps an adjustment to our course. A trajectory that is dialed in to the richness and depth of a Multidimensional Life.

This is where I can help. I help tune up your tuning device. I listen to help you listen. I clear the way for you to build your Multidimensional Life. Contact me to learn more.

Freedom from the inside out

Unfurling Rose

Just what is freedom? What does it mean to you? Yes, it’s inalienable rights and life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But what does it mean for you on a personal level? On a gut level? From the inside out?

Does it mean a lack of obligations? Not needing to work? No financial concerns or any need to bother yourself with domestic tasks?

Maybe.

But, how can I be free?, you ask. I have to work. I have to take care of my family. I have obligations.

I hear you.

Yes. Me, too. But, first and foremost, I would suggest that freedom isn’t necessarily just the absence of those outer bindings. And anyway, most of us don’t fall into those categories.

So, what does freedom mean to you? That inner freedom? Think about it as I tell you what it means to me.

Soothing the rough patches

Several years ago, my husband had a very serious eye issue. It required lots of doctor visits, including specialists in New York City. I had to take over his normal day-to-day tasks, like bill paying and laundry and garbage detail. He needed more of my attention for many things. All of which I was happy to do.

But – and this was new for me – in the midst of this I made sure I tended to me. I walked with a friend. I worked on my writing. I worked with my clients. Some things had to be put on the back burner but I reminded myself that a back burner is not the dumpster.  I checked in with my heart and figured out what most wanted to be done and then decided what I could do. Then I let go of what I couldn’t do for the time being. Conscious choices – freedom. Weaving in the joyful, rich moments (he couldn’t watch TV so we listened to a lot of music) with the dreary mundane moments (laundry).

This is freedom to me:

  • The ability to take a Potent Pause to remember who I am at my essence and what I’m on this earth for.
  • Being able to choose my actions and reactions and include myself in those choices.
  • Knowing how to reframe a situation and find those choices. (What can I do, as opposed to what I can’t do.)
  • A deep understanding that, regardless of what is on my plate, there are places and ways and moments in life that will bring me pleasure, satisfaction, and joy.
  • Remembering that while life is always shifting, throwing me curves, challenging me, I can stand tall in my own brilliance.
  • The vow – to myself – to remain true to that brilliance for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death kicks me out of here. Even if only in short snippets. Even in the midst of health emergencies, pandemics and general craziness.

It’s an inner freedom that no one can take away from me.

It’s an act of faith, an opening to grace.

It is a conscious and deliberate step off the hamster wheel.

It is my Multidimensional Life.

What is freedom for you?

 

Feeling Adrift

Drifting Boat
Image by Ruth Archer from Pixabay

One thing I’ve learned over the years of crafting what I now call my Multidimensional Life is to do more observing than reacting. Because what I have found is that that my initial reaction usually misses the mark. It’s more habit of thought than intuition. I was reminded of this recently when what seemed like a feeling of being adrift slowly revealed itself as an intentional letting go.

The Pause

My journey over the last decade or so has shown me very clearly how insidious habitual thinking is. As a result, I’ve learned that when I pause, the second (or third) thought is more accurate. Just like when I was learning to cross the street, lo those many years ago, I need to stop, look and listen.

It was the deeper listening that made me understand that what I was experiencing  wasn’t an untethering. Instead it was a grounding into my own Multidimensional Life. A letting go. Me doing the releasing, not being cut off by the outside world. An inner driven decision, not outward driven.

As it turns out, it feels good. So, I asked myself just what does this mean in the scope of my own MD life.

But first, a side trip into what a MD life is not.

Defining multidimensional

When we use the word multidimensional to define an object it means that it contains many facets. It is not flat; it has nooks and crannies, some obvious, others hidden. To me there’s magic in it. Each time we look, different aspects reveal themselves. However, not everything must be taken in at once.

When I talk about a Multidimensional Life, I mean the same thing. Not every facet needs to be in play at every moment. It is not an invitation to overwhelm. It is not intended to create a longer to-do list or attain the status of superwoman.

It is intended to be lived in conjunction with a pause which allows space, breath and discernment. It is being true to those things that are most important, not just urgent. We know the urgent will get done, but the challenge is to weave in the important, the meaningful, the joyful, the nurturing.

Back to my gradual untethering.

Once a month I connect with other coaches for a creative mastermind. There is a structure to it as we think out loud and tap into each other’s wisdom. I value these women and this time together and my nature is to be diligent about keeping every appointment.

But sometimes my MD life requires me to hit the pause button. Sometimes, I need to decide among various options and priorities. Sometimes, I have to tumble over to the side of me and what’s best for me at the moment.

That’s what happened recently.

When I think of the things that are most important to me, things that I need in my life, my outdoor space is high on the list. It doesn’t have to HGTV worthy, but it needs to give me pleasure when I look out my window or step outside. However, for the last 5+ years I have disappointed myself and been saddened by the neglect I inflicted on my garden. I had instead agreed to the ideas and priorities of others and put my joy of the garden on the back burner.

On the day of the mastermind call I had several things on my calendar: a coaching client, this blog post to start, reminder emails for my writing circle and editing of my own creative fiction that I would be sharing with another writer. It was a full day.

By the end of the afternoon, when I was due to get on our call, I was standing in my yard amid branches that needed to be cut up. I was in a groove and feeling good in the fresh air and sunshine. Then my phone alarm reminded me of the upcoming call.

Having and doing it all is not a MD life.

Joy whooshed out of me. Deflated, I said to myself “I can’t do it all” (habitual thinking). Self responded, “Why are you trying? What do you want?” (pause) Myself chose the yard and pruners. I never miss these calls. One time would be okay.

The having and doing it all is an unrealistic goal foisted on us by a productivity crazed outside world. It’s a view of women that would elevate us to superwoman (which is a load of you know what. It just means that we can take care of it all. Nothing new there. Move along; nothing to see.)

The illustration in this Star Ledger article really says it all. While the writer is talking about motherhood, much doesn’t change as we move into the second half of life. The baby might be a grandchild. We may be in a position now to hire help around the house, but we’re still are the point person, the hiring person, the one who deals with the details.

Oh, I’m sounding cranky. Actually, I’m very tired. Not a lot of sleep as I worry about a medical condition my husband is dealing with. Not Covid, thankfully; but definitely not a time to need to see a doctor.

But this is also part of a MD Life. The knowledge that things pass, we adapt, we can still get to those things that are most important. We may need to be more discerning but we can still get to them. We are not responsible for the world; we can accept help; in many areas we actually are dispensable. Does that sound harsh?

Choices

With a tip of the hat to Helen Reddy, sure we can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. We don’t have to, though. What is it you want? The bacon will still get cooked.

I chose to not attend this month’s mastermind. I know it was great and that I would have taken away more than I brought. But it was great and powerful for those who were there even without me.

Is it ego that drives us to try to do and be it all? Maybe. We think that we want to help, be useful and productive. Yet I suspect part of it is that we want to be looked at with appreciation, admiration. We want to be the hero of the story.

How about just being the hero of our own story?

Love

I had a college teacher who always said that the only thing in life that was non-negotiable was love. How about loving yourself as you love your loved ones. Get comfortable with feeling “selfish.” (You’re not.) You are tending to a very important life – yours.

In the end the feeling of being untethered, adrift, was really about being centered in what was important in my world. It was about more discernment, less fractured attention. It was about standing strong in my world and my priorities.

Try out the feeling of being untethered to the outside world. Anchor into your heart instead. Tether yourself to you.

A Journey of Becoming

The Journey Of Becoming
At the Seashore Original art by Donna Mills at Donna Mills Art

We are all on a journey of becoming. I used to think it was about growing up, but in fact it’s about growing. The world is a bit quieter and clearer right now. It’s a great opportunity to pause and see just where you are on your journey.

When I was in high school, and for many years later, my friends and I would ask each other “are we grown up yet?” It would usually come up as we celebrated deliberately belated birthdays. Our tradition was to delay, delay and then launch a guerrilla style celebration. We amused each other. What can I say? But on the silly card selected for the occasion, we would usually include that question: “Are we grown up yet?”

It was as if “grown up” were a place at which we would arrive. I’m not sure what we thought it would look like or feel like or how we would know we arrived. I do know that eventually we stopped asking and started living a grown-up life with all the normal accoutrements. We married, went to work, purchased homes; some had children, some married into children. We put our heads down and, well, I guess we grew up.

End of story? Oh, of course not!

In the introduction to his book “The Endless Practice: Becoming Who You Were Born To Be”, Mark Nepo mentions how the journey of becoming who we were born to be never ends. We don’t arrive. We grow.

As I read that, the question from my teenage years – about whether or not we were grown up yet – popped into my consciousness. We weren’t really asking about growing up; it was more about becoming a grown up. And, as Nepo reminded me, we don’t arrive; we continue to grow.

My friends and I are all mature, responsible women, now. But we haven’t finished growing yet. We’re still on the road.

On the journey

And it occurs to me that the journey of creating a Multidimensional Life never ends, either. A Multidimensional Life (MD Life) is one in which we tune in to what wants to be done on a deep level. It’s not a place at which we arrive. Rather, it’s a constant state of becoming, an ever evolving, dynamic process that heeds our inner wisdom as well as informs it. It’s an invitation to live from the inside out; from your magnificent essence. Yours. No one else. (They can ride along; they just can’t steer.)

It’s a time of liberation.

Liberation

As we move forward in this process of becoming, liberation asks for curiosity as well as hope. It asks that we put aside our comfort and discover the raw, unpolished beauty in the unedited version of ourselves. Liberation invites us to take small steady steps to create and express our truest selves. It reminds us that we have a deep well of wisdom; that there are possibilities of growth and transformation; that we have everything we need for this journey.

Paradoxically, there’s comfort in our familiar discomfort and liberation’s not always easy. It requires spiritual courage. However, in the end, it is so worth it.

Where do you begin?

Take a moment – now, if you can – and look up from your busy “grown up” life. Notice the road you’re on. Is it rutted and narrow? Uncomfortable? Are you ready for something new? If you’re not sure what that looks like yet, that’s okay. In the beginning the less certainty, the better. Just decide to start.

Questioning

Here’s a small question to nudge you. Don’t strain for answers. Just listen and let them bubble up.

Are you at a tipping point where your yearning for something truer to self surpasses the need for the safe and known?

Just being conscious of the question will begin a shift. Listening to your responses and the emotions it arouses will evoke more questions.  And, just like a tiny alteration in direction can ripple into a totally different destination for a ship, so too, will this questioning move you in new directions. You will become wakeful, attentive, liberated.

You’re not alone. We are legion on this journey of life.

Grab a partner for the journey

Don’t do it alone.  Contact me and we’ll talk about the nudges from your questions. We’ll draw on your creative spirit and to begin to look at your life as a journey of becoming. Together we can take the first small step into the rest of your MD life.

Benediction of Daily Necessity

The Benediction Of Daily Necessity
Wash Day Original art by Donna Mills at Donna Mills Art

This pandemic is causing me to look at some of my actions in a different light. To be a little kinder to myself. To understand that some of what I think of as frantic time fillers is actually what Pat Schneider, author of Writing Alone and With Others and founder of Amherst Writers and Artists, calls the “benediction of daily necessity.”

Our lives upended

Although I work from home and therefore often practice social distancing anyway, I am not immune to the effects of this pandemic.  Along with so many of you, I’ve had my world tilted, my routine disrupted, and am being denied many of the things I want to do. Fear lingers on the edges of everyday. But I must add that if this is the extent of my hardship, I’m very lucky.

I had been rolling along finding a lovely steadiness in my Multidimensional Life and now it feels upended. I had been feeling better about the balance among the areas important to me: my business, my personal life and my creative life. It was a hard-won goal.

And now I find myself rearranging furniture, baking, cleaning the most obscure places and things in my home. (Do you know those tip-out trays in front of the sink that stores sponges? SOS pads make them quite dirty and, well, it just needed cleaning!) If I could watch you reading this, I suspect you’re nodding and smiling. Life is curious at the moment. Distractions abound.

The riches in ordinary life

And actually, this is necessary as we regain and maintain balance. “Ordinary life, after all, informs our writing, heals our spirits, and keeps us from going mad,” Schneider says. We need that “benediction of daily necessity.”

She expresses this idea within the context of writing. But it applies to anything and everything. In her case, she wanted to write. (And quilt, make jams and jellies, bake bread and, of course, raise her four children.) But she finally realized that she couldn’t have it all. She was off balance; she wasn’t being faithful to her art.

A Multidimensional Life is a work of art

Schneider made the decision to put all else aside and just focus on writing. She never took her sewing machine out again. From that focus came books, poetry, a libretto, and a model of writing workshops that spread across the world and encouraged facilitators to go into suburban living rooms as well as into less served populations and give them voices.

There was a contraction, a narrowing of focus, a going within. Like an oyster with a grain of sand. There was a Pause and time to listen. Then there was the unfurling of the layers of her own wisdom, the following of her heart, the balance of the inner artist and the outer woman.

One layer holds many layers

This is the essence of creating a Multidimensional Life. And, while some might argue that writing is just one layer and not multi layered, I would respond that the layering can come in the outcomes. Her life unfolded in ways that couldn’t be predicted in the beginning.

“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what, next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little.” -Agnes de Mille

This is all part of living a Multidimensional Life. The fact that you don’t have to know how it’s all going to work out. The conviction that you have the wisdom to focus and go within. The intimate knowing that a shift in your foundation doesn’t topple you.

As Schneider also said “the achievement of the mature artist is a balanced life.” In the second half of our life, as well as in times of crisis, we keenly feel the need for balance. This is our time to fully step into a balanced Multidimensional Life. It is a work of art. It is your crowning achievement.

How are you achieving balance? What are you putting first? Is there a part of you that you aren’t being faithful to?

There are lots of things to distract us from the unique art of our lives. And some of those activities are necessary. But the true challenge is screwing up our courage and going inside. It’s asking our heart what it wants most. And then it’s taking the first step towards that. Only then will we have the balance we all crave.

What does your heart want?

If you’d like some help hearing and articulating what your heart wants most, in noticing what parts of your life are missing right now, contact me for a 30-minute discovery call, a free immersive experience where you will find and take your first small step.

Let's Connect
Get your free copy of The Potent Pause: a Mindful First Step into Midlife and Beyond
and sign up to receive my monthly email.

Copyright © 2019 Kane Creative Consulting - All Rights Reserved
Template built on the Total Theme by Be Bright Studio

Back To Top